Everywhere Indeed: Live-Blogging CityTV’s Foray into Baseball

Sometimes in life, things just happen for a reason. Sunday afternoon, the unintentional comedy gods were smiling on us, as Toronto’s CityTV took a crack at broadcasting baseball.

On the diamond, you’d expect the Cincinnati Reds and Toronto Blue Jays to provide the typical Grapefruit League fare. But thanks to Gord Martineau and company, there was nothing typical about it.

12:25: The tension is palpable as we await the opening of the broadcast. There hasn’t been this much anticipation for a spring training game since, well, ever. It should be mentioned that because of Ted Rogers’ intriguing choice to put a spring training game on a local non-sports station, Major League Baseball has moved the start time up to 12:35 EDT. That’s right. The powers that be in the league office bowed to Rogers (owner of one of its franchises, overall media magnate and brand-new owner of CityTV). Aren’t we all better off for it? Get the popcorn ready, folks. Here it comes…

12:32: Our first glimpse of spring training, City-style, looks fairly normal. That is, until CityTV personality Jennifer Valentyne trots out to sing the Canadian anthem. The former Toronto Argonauts cheerleader is singing the anthem in slow-motion. Super slow-motion. Looks like she’s teaching the crowd the lyrics.

12:35: The opening throw to the booth couldn’t have gone any smoother, right? The first thing we hear is Kathryn Humphreys unknowingly uttering the following words with her mic on:

“Am I doing this here?” This is going to be a great afternoon.

12:36: Hugh Burrill and Martineau will provide the play-by-play and colour commentary this afternoon. Burrill’s introduction of the lineups isn’t much better than Humphreys’ opening gaffe. As he stumbles over the players’ names, the director throws in a graphic that looks like it was borrowed from the Dupont Network.

12:40: Thank you, Ted Rogers. Martineau throws it down to Barb DiGiulio of the FAN 590. The live hit passes without incident, and her energy and confidence make the City crew look like the chess club.

“We’re at a baseball game? Oh, darn, I forgot my spectacles! Remembered my pocket protector though.”

12:54: It’s clear now that this broadcast is a public relations vehicle the size of a Hummer limo. Jays president Paul Godrey steps into the booth to hawk season tickets in the game’s opening moments, and the commercials are nothing more than ticket-pushing spots from various spots around the Rogers Centre and beyond. In the top of the second inning, a booth conversation with the club’s events co-ordinator (about the post-game barbeque, no less) is interrupted by a triple to the gap in left-centre field by Reds’ farmhand Chris Dickerson. Oh, right, there’s a ballgame going on.

1:09: Finally, some genuine class on the broadcast. The FAN’s Jerry Howarth stops by in the top of the third. It’s great to see and hear Jerry again, as we finally get some real baseball analysis. Howarth breaks down what he expects from the pitching staff and new additions Scott Rolen and David Eckstein. So, to recap, the best elements of the broadcast so far have been Howarth and DiGiulio, both FAN personalities. Coincidence? Hardly. Let’s turn this into a real baseball broadcast, shall we? Where’s Mike Wilner?

1:21: Speaking of real baseball talk, Burrill has settled in nicely despite his lack of play-by-play experience. Martineau, on the other hand, is a complete mess. On Reds’ manager Dusty Baker:

“I remember Dusty when he was with the Los Angeles Dodgers and Tommy Lasorda was managing.”

Gord, that was 1976.

So far, we’ve seen Duane Ward and Lloyd Moseby selling tickets in the commercials. Why not have a former Jay in the booth doing the colour commentary? I guess that would just make too much sense.

1:27: Humphreys gets another shot at redemption as they throw it to her again. She’s with reliever Jeremy Accardo, outside what looks like the ballpark’s men’s room. Kathryn, please, just let the man go. We don’t need a bladder injury before Opening Day.

1:31: The third inning ends quietly. Oh, in case you’re wondering, it’s 2-0 Reds thanks to a two-run double by Cincinnati’s Jay Bruce back in the second inning. The Jays have just one hit on the afternoon (a single by Aaron Hill in the bottom of the third). Starter A.J. Burnett allowed the game’s two runs along with three Cincinnati hits in his two frames of work. You wouldn’t know it, but we’ve seen two pitching changes since his exit.

1:41: After a Scott Rolen single advances Reed Johnson to third and ignites the first real Toronto rally, it occurs to me. There have been exactly zero replays today. Is it really that hard to rewind the tape and cue it up? Oh, sorry, I forgot. The game is secondary.

1:42: Matt Stairs drives in Johnson with a single. How ‘bout that? 2-1 Reds. Still no replay.

1:46: The convergence is in full force, as Martine Gaillard gives us a Connected update. So we’ve now seen Sportsnet and FAN personalities appear on CityTV. Thank you, Ted Rogers.

1:56: You know it’s a bland broadcast when the day’s most entertaining moment so far is DiGiulio’s exclusive interview with Chad the Beer Man. I kid you not. This really happened. After Burrill provides some background on Reds’ reliever Mike Stanton and his inclusion in the Mitchell Report, Martineau admits, “You can see my depth of knowledge is an inch deep and a mile wide here.” It’s like watching a train wreck. I can’t turn this off.

1:59: Buck Coats picks up the pace with a two-run home run to right-centre field, during which he circles the bases at full speed with his head down. That’s right, it’s the same Buck Coats the Jays picked up from Cincinnati last August and the very same Buck Coats who’s now the subject of countless softcore porn jokes. According to his Wikipedia page, “he is known for [uttering] his catch phrase, ‘Yeah, baby’ in his southern drawl’.” I’m telling you, this thing writes itself.

2:19: Martineau actually asks Burrill, “Who’s at the plate?” on air in the bottom of the sixth. You can’t make this stuff up. Seconds later, Matt Stairs does it again, smashing a solo homer to right. The blast makes it 4-3 Toronto.

2:28: Kathryn Humphreys, please, enlighten us with some in-depth baseball analysis:

“Alex Rios, or ‘Eye Candy’ as I call him, is not in the lineup today. He is one good-looking fella.”

Ahem.

After a few more declarations of her lust for the outfielder, she interviews him. And by ‘interviews’, I mean ‘blatantly hits on him for five minutes straight’. The hard-hitting questions she throws his way include such gems as:

“Who’s better-looking…you or A-Rod?” When he says he’d give the honour to Rodriguez, she blurts out, “I wouldn’t.”

The best, though, had to be this one:

“If you were a pork chop, what sauce would you smother yourself with?”

Tonight on CityTV Late Night, Kathryn Humphreys stars in “Bats, Balls and the Reporters Who Love Them”. Buck Coats guest stars.

2:45: I’ll admit, I needed about 20 minutes to recover from that. Also of note, we finally have a replay! Good thing it only took eight innings to warm up the VTR deck. In case you’re interested, it’s 6-3 Toronto in the top of the eighth.

2:47: Toronto second baseman Joe Inglett gets an inning-ending force-out and starts his trot into the dugout. Just one problem. There are only two outs. That’s how you impress a manager in spring training, Joe. 6-4 Toronto.

3:01: Back from break, I’ve got good news and bad news. Want the good news first? Inglett just cranked a home run out of Knology Park and it’s now 8-4 in the bottom of the eighth. The bad news? CityTV missed it completely, running a break just a little too long. Would have been a nice moment, too. You know, a little redemption for Inglett after his blunder in the top half.

3:09: If there was even an inkling of hope that the game itself actually mattered to the City crew, that inkling was promptly squashed coming back from a taped Kathryn Humphreys piece.

Humphreys: “What’s going on now, Gord?”

[Awkward period of about five seconds while Humphreys stares at the camera waiting for the truck to cue Martineau.]

Martineau: “Check 1, 2…Yes, we’re back here at Knology Park and the game is over. How about this, Hugh? You blink and the game’s over, huh?”

Wait a second. The game is over? The game is over. This is what happens when you run taped pieces during game action. Have I mentioned I want to thank Ted Rogers?

3:17: Usually after live-blogging, I need a drink and a cold shower. Today would be no different if the broadcast ended here. But no, CityTV is staying in Dunedin. Ladies and gentlemen, the moment you’ve all been waiting for…the post-game barbeque for season-ticket holders!

Don’t worry, I’ll spare you the details. Besides, Lloyd Moseby’s going to hang up on me if I don’t order season tickets in the next five minutes. Welcome back, baseball. Nice to see you again.

The First Annual State of the Blog Address

It’s a writer’s worst nightmare. The application’s open. The hands are on the keyboard. The page is blank.

Lately, this space has been more neglected than Shawn Kemp’s children, but it wasn’t for lack of effort. The orange was squeezed, but no juice came out. So why now have the floodgates suddenly opened? After scrapping one post after another since the last calendar year, it finally dawned on me.

Write about not writing.

The last post? That ancient artifact came on December 30. That’s right, over six weeks ago. A funk of mythical proportions? Not quite. It can always be worse (isn’t that right, Pat Riley?). Still, this slump has been almost Vancouver Grizzly-esque.

But there hasn’t been much to write about, right? Let’s see. Earlier this month, we had one of the greatest Super Bowls in history. Then, Roger Clemens and Andy Pettite came under congressional scrutiny for their alleged (and in Pettite’s case, now acknowledged) steroid use. On and off the hardcourt, we’ve seen one of the most memorable half-seasons in NBA history. Shaq, Pau Gasol, Jason Kidd and Mike Bibby have changed addresses. The trade deadline is Thursday. As in, tomorrow. Don’t forget this past weekend’s All-Star festivities, which reacquainted the world with its most culturally and musically vibrant city. Even hockey has been interesting, with its own trade deadline fast approaching and a wild, parity-inspired free-for-all in the standings.

So I have no excuse. It was an action-packed six weeks. Plenty to discuss. Analyze. Applaud. Chide. Why then, was nothing produced?

The reason I took up shop in this humble corner of the blogosphere in the first place was to provide a different take on things. It was in the old sub-heading (“Sports Blogging From a New Perspective”) and the mission statement. Today’s sports media has become increasingly saturated and repetitive. When I was offered the sports section of a local paper by a family member recently, I responded, “That’s okay. I’ve already read all the AP stories somewhere else and the columns are available online.” Hmm.

The point is, by the time I sit down to weigh in on the issues of the moment, chances are my ‘unique’ point of view has already been covered elsewhere. Offering something new is near impossible, because of the sheer volume and scope of opinions in the mainstream media and Blogsville alike.

And wouldn’t it be too easy (and somewhat pointless) to merely recap the stories and offer a sentence or two of one’s own take? That may be fine for some, but it’s not the goal of this particular piece of electronic real estate.

I’ve been coaxed by a friend and fellow blogger to write more. My problem, and perhaps the inherent problem which arose as a product of the mission statement, is that I won’t settle. Doing something for the sake of doing it isn’t enough. The idea is to provide content you don’t see on ESPN.com. I believe there’s more to the story than what you see on SI.com, FOXSports.com or CBS Sportsline.

Up until this point, I’ve accomplished that. This blog has worked wonders for my opinion writing muscle. And that’s exactly the goal. Same old, same old is unacceptable. It insults your intelligence and awareness of current affairs. You already know what happened last night. You saw the goal. The watched the congressional hearing. You high-fived your dog after the buzzer-beater. It’s not productive to summarize the news just to see the hit total for today rise to a new record.

It’s actually a little early for a State of the Blog address. The one-year anniversary of The Splog doesn’t arrive until next month. But blank pages and half-written, scrapped pieces aren’t good enough. So here we are.

By the way, don’t think I’m missing the irony in the fact that not writing is the subject that ultimately got me back on the page. This is an issue we as journalists and bloggers need to address.

We’re second-guessers by nature. We never stop wondering if the ideas we articulate will be interesting enough, or, frankly, if anyone even cares.

But I don’t choose content based on what I believe people will want to read. Provoking thought is important but providing something new is paramount.

Journalism teaches us to focus on what matters to people. What people care about. Well, whether or not you care about this website or the world of sports doesn’t really matter to its author.

In the end, what matters is the purpose of your work. I’d guess that about one quarter of this site’s readers have a blog of their own, or some form of written expression.

I’d be interested to know why you decided to start writing online. Is it an outlet? A soapbox? A networking tool? The rise of blogs and online journals has been great for freedom of speech, but what we’re left with is a sea of banality with a small group of eloquent fish rising to the surface. It’s usually subjective but the best of the best offer something you don’t read in the Big Pond. That’s all I set out to do, and whether that’s being accomplished is up to you.

So the next time you stop by, don’t be disappointed if it’s been a while between posts. It’s for the best.

The state of the blog is strong. Thanks for reading.

[Applause]

Let’s Make a Deal

The Toronto Raptors need to make a trade.

Those words may surprise you, especially after Friday night’s hard-fought 83-73 victory in San Antonio, the defending champions’ second loss on home court in 17 games this season. The words might come as a shock to some, considering the club is surviving without its starting point guard. But with the uncertainty surrounding T.J. Ford’s health and as his basketball future hangs in the balance, the reigning NBA Executive of the Year will soon be in the spotlight. The trading deadline is approaching, and it has become apparent that this club will make a move before the clock strikes 3 p.m. on February 21.

“But why?” you ask. “Things seem to be going pretty well, right?”

Toronto is now 16-15 after 31 games, good enough for sixth spot in the Eastern Conference. This was a team that was supposed to build upon last season’s playoff berth and rise to new heights. They lost Jorge Garbajosa for the season and haven’t gotten consistent production from 2007 first-overall pick Andrea Bargnani. The biggest problem the Raptors have, however, is at the point guard position. Not because Jose Calderon hasn’t done his job. He’s filled in exceptionally for Ford as a starter. The Colangelo-era Raptors pride themselves on their depth, but look at the roster. There’s one position that may have been overlooked.

Now, granted. No one saw this coming. It was an unlucky (read: freak) injury that could never have been foreseen. But combine Ford’s history of injuries and the nature of his spinal stenosis and his career is now in jeopardy.

As The Star’s Doug Smith writes, he should take all the time he needs to decide what’s best for himself and his family. In the meantime, though, it’s time to start looking forward and planning for the worst.

So, let’s do it.

Darrick Martin is not a serviceable back-up. Juan Dixon is not a serviceable backup, nor is he a natural point guard but rather a shooting guard playing out of position because of Sam Mitchell’s lack of options.

What makes this interesting is the fact that Calderon, Dixon and Martin all have deals scheduled to expire after this season. Martin is a valuable asset to keep because he’s cheap ($770,610), great for team chemistry and is basically an assistant coach wearing a uniform. More importantly, he has two trade restrictions in his contract by virtue of a. being signed less than three months ago (the league prohibits a player from being dealt until he’s been with his new club for at least three months) and b. being a one-year “bird”, or having a one-year deal with the option to become an ‘early-bird free agent’ at season’s end. In other words, he’s un-trade-able.

Dixon, on the other hand (who you’ll recall was brought in from Portland for Fred Jones at last year’s trade deadline) is expendable and should be considered to be up for grabs.

Calderon is a team player, an efficient playmaker with a flair for the dramatic but a cool head in crunch time. Teams want this type of player, especially one with his international resume. These teams will make him offers in the off-season and force Toronto to decide on his future.

We’ll assume the Raptors hang on to him for the balance of the season (given Ford’s murky status). Toronto’s current payroll sits at $67,052,973, which puts them $11,422,973 over the salary cap. This ties Colangelo’s hands a little, but there’s still plenty of room for creativity.

With all of this in mind, let’s fire up ESPN.com’s Trade Machine to look at a few potential deals.

Idea #1:

Toronto sends Juan Dixon ($2.5m), Joey Graham ($1.6m) and cash considerations to Orlando for Carlos Arroyo ($4m) and the rights to Fran Vasquez.

Financially, this deal works out perfectly. The contracts are balanced and Toronto accomplishes its goal of getting a solid point guard (and former Raptor) in Arroyo, who’s been playing well lately, averaging around 9 points, 4 assists, 4 rebounds and less than 1 turnover per game this week. His recent run includes Friday’s 13 point, 5 assist, 7 rebound, 0 turnover effort against Miami.

Toronto also picks up a prospect with upside in Fran Vasquez. The Spaniard would fit well into Colangelo’s vision for the club and add to the international flavour. He’d give them a post presence with solid fundamentals and basketball IQ. Vasquez ticked off Magic brass when he decided to stay in Europe this season rather than joining the club which drafted him 11th overall in 2005, so it wouldn’t be a heartbreaking loss from Orlando’s perspective. His NBA future is unclear, making him easy to let go.

Orlando adds Dixon and Graham. They have a dearth of shooters (Hedo Turkoglu, J.J. Reddick, Pat Garrity, Keith Bogans, Keyon Dooling) and would be looking to acquire athleticism and add depth at small forward. Graham gets this done for them. Dixon is a nice throw-in who gets a second third chance to display his skill set in a system that benefits combo-guards with the desire to shoot such as himself.

The Verdict: This deal would likely never happen, because Arroyo is a valuable part of Orlando’s present and future, and they’re just not getting enough in Graham and Dixon. Vasquez is an interesting piece, but he has decent upside and the Magic would want more for him. Plus, the questions surrounding his jump to the NBA may scare Colangelo away. Too bad, really, because on paper, this deal works.

Idea #2:

Toronto sends Kris Humphries ($2.5m) and Joey Graham ($1.6m) to Memphis for Damon Stoudamire ($4.35m).

Oh, how times have changed. He may have held ill feelings toward Toronto back then, but Stoudamire, Toronto’s first-ever draft pick (seventh overall in 1995), might have a different feeling about the franchise now, given that the Raptors are a contending team. He’d welcome a move to the Eastern Conference on a club destined for the playoffs, and would be a veteran presence and mentor for the younger players. He’d be coming full circle and finishing his career where it all began. He’s on the books for two more years and is still productive at age 34, averaging 3.9 assists in 21 minutes per game with Memphis this season. This could be a nice fit.

Humphries has really been a pleasant surprise for Toronto, giving them the strong rebounder off the bench they sorely needed. But, the fact is, his trade value is at a decent level right now. Looking at the Grizzlies’ roster, this is exactly what they need; a young, energetic rebounding force. Sure, he’s locked in for another four years, but given his production (10 points, five rebounds per game in only 15 minutes per night over the last month) and potential, this is a good move for Memphis. They dump Stoudamire and get younger. Plus, they get Graham, who’s a tad overpaid but could benefit from the change of scenery and perhaps an increase in minutes.

The Verdict: (In fine Marv Albert form) “YES!” The Raptors get exactly what they need in a veteran point guard who won’t log heavy minutes, and the Grizzlies get the likeable Humphries. It will be tough to part with Humph from a defensive standpoint, but it frees up time and space in the post for Bargnani, who’s begun to get lost in the rotation. Graham is a throw-in, but they’ll take him. This trade works well for both parties, and they’d be fools not to shake on it.

By the way, have you noticed both of the proposed deals so far include former Raptors coming back to Toronto? Coincidence? Yes.

Idea #3:

Toronto sends Kris Humphries ($2.5m) and Juan Dixon ($2.5m) to Los Angeles for Sam Cassell ($6.15m).

The Clippers get rid of their wily veteran/ageless wonder in exchange for younger talent. With Shaun Livingston (ailing but still in the fold), Brevin Knight and Dan Dickau at the point guard position, the Clippers can afford to part with the geriatric Cassell in favour of a shooting combo-guard in Dixon and an energetic glass cleaner in Humphries. The deal passes the NBA’s financial litmus test, and satisfies both sides. It’s another 2-for-1, but I don’t think Colangelo flinches at the prospect of getting a proven playoff-tested veteran point guard. He gives up Humphries, whose value is higher than it may ever be right now (despite really only possessing value in one category), but Bosh, Nesterovic, Baston and Bargnani can handle the rebounding duties until season’s end.

The Verdict: It’s the Clippers and Donald Sterling, so you never know. But throw this one on the table and it gets done. The Raptors get more playoff experience and add the point guard they so desperately need. Los Angeles sheds a million bucks, gets younger and improves their rebounding and mid-range shooting. Humphries’ long-term deal is the only thing stopping this deal from being stamped. Cassell and Dixon are free agents after this year.

So there are three possible trade scenarios, and you can interpret them as you may. The Raptors don’t have a lot of tradeable commodities at this point, making any other deal unlikely. As many in the media have eluded to before, most NBA GMs would rather sit back and decline a deal than accept one and risk making the wrong move.

That being said, however, anything’s possible. Especially when the league’s top executive is sitting in the general manager’s office.

There Is No Joy in Glanville

Those of you who frequent ESPN.com on your daily tour of the interweb may have came across former Major League Baseball player Doug Glanville’s stirring guest column on the website today.

If you haven’t, it’s certainly worth your time. Why?

For one, this is one of, if not the first example of a clean pedestrian player speaking out and lamenting the now public dishonest nature of the league he played an integral part in for nearly a decade. Sure, we’ve seen Curt Schilling’s thoughts on the issue, but he’s in the spotlight on a regular basis.

Glanville’s voice is unique and we identify with it because he isn’t superhuman. He describes himself as “a singles hitter with a good glove”, which is accurate. He wasn’t a flashy player or a slugging demigod. Doug Glanville, by all accounts (including his own), was an honest, hard-working, average Major League Baseball player. He also happens to be an Ivy League graduate, and his column is what one might expect from someone of his educational background.

With eloquence, passion and remorse, he provides a perspective that all members of society can understand.

Glanville served as the union representative for the Philadelphia Phillies and often volunteered his time to such charitable causes as the Corporate Alliance for Drug Education. But as he points out, he was never one to preach or villify a teammate for their choice. He points the finger not at the individual but at society as a whole.

So what can you take from it? Well, in the wake of the Mitchell Report, and with many of the game’s fallen heroes clutching to the “mistake” copout and clinging to nervous denials, it’s refreshing to hear a new point of view. One that doesn’t necessarily represent that of the common man (these are still millionaire professional athletes, remember), but that of an average baseball player questioning not just his former co-workers, but the culture in which he lives. While many of his peers resorted to banned substances and other equally unethical performance aids, Glanville stood by what he believed in. His message may come off as preachy or self-indulgent, but guess what? He has the right to be.

He says he played clean, and unlike all those fallen folk heroes who have fed you the same old party line, there’s something different about this voice.

You believe him.

Joey Graham Knows His Civies

“Now, Chris, is this the first time you’ve ever been blindfolded?”

Ahem.

“Well, there was that time in Vegas last year at All-Star Weekend…oh, and in Rome, we…umm…yeah. Then, there was that time during my recruiting trip to Georgia Tech…let’s just say there’s a reason I chose to go there.”

And another thing. There’s a piece of hidden genius here. Graham is forced to draw…a white t-shirt. Which, if you think about it, is probably how he’ll be remembered.

“I like the way he even drew the back of the t-shirt there,” quips VJ Matte Babel. Well, that’s not too surprising, Matte, considering he’s so familiar with wearing civilian clothing. During NBA games.

Next time on “Raptors Play Pictionary”, head coach Sam Mitchell draws up a play with the game on the line, and the team has twenty seconds to figure out what it is. Oh wait, that’s just the final timeout from tonight’s game against the Hawks.

Anderson Varejao 360

This isn’t CNN, and the subject of this post isn’t a Vanderbilt who drives the ladies wild. Yet another Anderson has come full circle, far from the comforts of a television studio in Atlanta.

Anderson Varejao, the energetic Brazilian power forward who had been embroiled in a bitter contract squabble with the Cleveland Cavaliers, will reportedly be re-joining the club. In case you missed it, here’s a quick blow-by-blow recap of the saga:

- During the 2006-07 season, his third in the NBA, he averages 6.8 points and 6.7 rebounds in 24 minutes per game. The year culminates with Cleveland’s improbable run to the Finals, during which Varejao proves to be a valuable post presence off the bench. His salary for this campaign? $945,600. When the final whistle sounds, he officially becomes a restricted free agent. Let the games begin.

- Along with agent Dan Fegan, Team Varejao decides to ride the wave of the Cavs’ success (and his newfound national exposure) in an attempt to parlay them into a contract extension [read: raise].

- Throughout the summer, Cleveland brass and Varejao’s camp sling offers back and forth, with nothing close to a compromise reached. At first, the contention is over the dollar amount (Varejao’s people propose $8-9 million at one point), but it then becomes a battle over the length of the contract. Fegan wants the team to cave and allow his client to become a free agent sooner (a short deal but a high per-year amount), but the club wants to lock him up for more years at a lower rate per season. Back and forth we go. Cleveland and Charlotte discuss a sign-and-trade that would send the forward to the Bobcats, but it falls through. The months drag on, and as training camp approaches, it becomes clear that Varejao won’t be on the Cavs’ opening day roster.

- The season begins, and sure enough, he isn’t a Cavalier. In fact, he even considers playing in Europe for a year.

- The two sides effectively arrive at a standstill, and all is relatively quiet on the Varejao front…

- But fast forward to this week. On Tuesday, word comes down the wire that those very same Charlotte Bobcats have signed him to an offer sheet worth $17.4 million over three years. The key, of course, is the player option in the final year of the deal. Cleveland is now on the clock, with a week to match the offer or let him walk.

- The next day, Brian Windhorst of the Akron Beacon-Journal reports the Cavs intend to match, but because they’re currently sitting at the roster maximum of 15 players, another move must be executed before he can re-join the club and begin mending a rift that has now reached chasm proportions.

So here we are. He is now scheduled to make $5.3, $5.7 and $6.2 million over the next three years. If indeed the club bites its tongue and swallows the contract, the two sides have some serious damage control to do. Varejao’s bitter words about the Cleveland organization were recently made public, and you can bet they’re still fresh in the minds of their intended targets. So what now? After all is said and done, one thing’s for sure. This could be awkward.

Oh, to be in the Cavs’ locker room when Varejao comes strolling in. Perhaps he should call Stephon Marbury and ask him how he handled re-joining the Knicks after abandoning them in mid-season.

In light of everything that’s gone down in this bizarre, unreasonable, ridiculous series of events, was it worth it? He clearly got lucky after Charlotte showed their desperate need for a big man, forcing Cleveland (who aren’t loving life without LeBron James) to retain him. Fegan got what he wanted. Varejao gets to return to the NBA. But what was really going on here? Did Cleveland want him all along, despite occasionally hinting at the contrary?

What we’re left with, finally, is a compromise. They just took a perplexing path to get there.

So welcome back, Andy. Oh, and if any Cavs’ equipment managers/cheerleaders/medical staffers are reading this, please remember to cue up your HandiCams the moment he steps into that locker room and do us a favour by posting it on YouTube. This could be the most awkward reunion since The Police announced they were going back on tour.

In the end, after months of bickering and nit-picking, they’ve got him. Or, they’re stuck with him. Any way you slice it, Anderson Varejao is reportedly soon to be a Cleveland Cavalier again.

I think I speak for everyone in NBA circles when I say I never thought I’d be typing those words.

Stop the Presses! Wade Belak Comes Alive.

Every four years, the calendar takes a leap. Every four years, the Olympic Summer Games are held. Every four years, we see something so unique that we’re able to sit back and appreciate it for what it really is. Well, ladies and gentlemen, it’s time to get out the anti-eclipse eyewear because tonight, Wade Belak entered rarified air.

For the first time since December 20, 2003, Belak accomplished the unfathomable. The one-man punchline scored a goal.

Belak looked as surprised as anyone this evening after his shot at 2:48 of the third period found its way through Nashville Predators goaltender Chris Mason.

Nobody saw this coming. To say that the 31-year old was expected to join the offensive resurgence currently being enjoyed by Mats Sundin and Nik Antropov would be foolish. But interestingly, this qualifies as an offensive explosion for Belak, who now has just two goals fewer than $20 million free-agent signee Jason Blake. Belak will earn the monumental sum of $625,000 this season. Talk about getting bang for your buck.

The winger known for his penchant for the sin bin was grinning from ear to ear on the bench following his oh-so-improbable flash of offensive prowess, and for good reason. His career-high in the goal-scoring department came in 2004-05 with the Conventry Blaze in jolly old England, where he somehow managed to erupt for seven goals. Belak has never scored more than three goals in an NHL season. The next time he lights the lamp, we could be living in a very different world.

Of course, the Maple Leafs will still be searching for their first Stanley Cup since 1967. John Ferguson, Jr.? He’ll have joined the ranks of Leaf infamy that include such unsavoury figures as Harold Ballard, Mike Murphy and Rob Ramage.

But wait a minute. Belak is 31. His goals come about as often as an airborne swine. There’s a good chance we may never see this again. So savour the moment, people. Bask in the glow of a Leafs club that’s been temporarily spared from the guillotine. Because that may have been the eighth and final goal of Wade Belak’s career.

Remember where you were.

Hold the Mayo: USC Gets Shakespearean

“O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou, Romeo? Deny thy father and refuse thy name.” – William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act II, Scene II.

Well, so much for that. Clearly, Percy Romeo Miller (known in the rap world as Lil’ Romeo) didn’t heed that advice, as the Associated Press reported today that he has signed a letter of intent to play basketball at the University of Southern California.

Miller’s father is none other than hip-hop mogul and NBA training camp fixture Master P. The younger Miller is considered to be a top-15 prep point guard, according to one recruiting service.

“Getting a college scholarship is more important than winning an American Music Award, and I plan to be the best student-athlete I can be at USC,” he said.

(But a Grammy Award? Now that’s an honour.)

So a wealthy teenage rap star is going to university to play basketball. How is this not a terribly flawed plan?

Let’s see. Tours. Recording contracts. Publicity commitments. Two-a-days. Training camp. Homework? Practice. Stop me if I’m making too much sense.

Sports and music make strange bedfellows, Romeo. Just ask Dad, who attended several training camps as a non-roster invitee in hopes of catching on with an NBA club (most notably with the Raptors), but never could. Sure, you might have a step or two on the old man. Sure, you might be a prized local recruit. And sure, we know your intentions may be good.

But can this possibly work?

As nice as this story is from a public relations standpoint (kid millionaire values education and sport), how realistic is it that a. he’ll be able to put aside his rap career during the season and that b. it won’t be a distraction to the team? He’s still itching for fame and fortune, just in another kind of arena.

Miller can’t possibly dedicate enough of his time to both commitments. Either the record company complains to the school or, more likely, vice versa.

It just can’t end well. We’d like to see it work out, for both interested parties. But let’s be realistic. What do you think, Shakespeare?

“Virtue itself turns vice, being misapplied; and vice sometimes by action dignified.” – Act II, Scene III.

Maybe Willy was on to something.

Pass the Aspirin: The Return of Ron-Ron and Ricky

“Congratulations, Ron Artest and Ricky Williams. Welcome back into our lives.”

We’ll just go ahead and assume that wasn’t your initial reaction if you happened upon the news that two of the sports world’s most notorious figures were reinstated in their respective leagues yesterday.

Artest’s seven-game suspension for domestic abuse came to an end tonight, as he suited up for the Sacramento Kings in a regular season game for the first time since last spring.

Meanwhile, Ricky Williams was officially reinstated by the National Football League on the same day, after serving an 18-month ban for repeatedly testing positive for marijuana.

Upstanding citizens, aren’t they? It’s not easy to be sympathetic towards two of the most troubled athletes in North America. But while you shouldn’t shed a tear for them, there actually are reasons to trot out the welcome wagon.

Sure, Williams is the ultimate headache, but his return to the winless Miami Dolphins is absolutely what the once proud franchise deserves. Really, from a karmic standpoint, this is exactly what should happen. Think about it. The Dolphins had a chance to give their fans hope in last summer’s NFL draft, but abruptly turned their back on them, passing on promising quarterback Brady Quinn in favour of receiver Ted Ginn, Jr. Despite riding Hall of Fame quarterback Dan Marino for almost two decades, they could never translate it into a championship or successful run of playoff appearances. This is a poorly run organization, from top to bottom. Don’t believe me? Get Don Shula drunk and ask him.

So after failing to confront Williams’ ongoing drug problems head on for years, they were given his inconsistency and abrasiveness with the media as a reward. The mercurial running back simply isn’t worth the trouble he causes. We know that. They know that. The odd thing is, there are very few things going right with the Dolphins these days, and their running game is one of them. Jesse Chatman has stepped in for the injured Ronnie Brown and delivered fairly consistent numbers. So why the talk of a Ricky Williams-Miami reunion? Because at this point, they get more attention being the laughingstock than the winless team with one promising fill-in.

Normally, headaches are painful and annoying. But in this case? Let’s hope they re-sign him.

And then, there’s Ron-Ron.

Artest’s situation is obviously a little different, considering he was still the property of a professional sports team while he was forced to sit at home and play video games with his entourage. But the most glaring parallel to Williams, of course, is that Artest is also a repeat offender. He was infamously suspended along with eight other players in the now infamous “Malice at the Palace” on Nov. 19, 2004 (we’re five days from the three-year anniversary, in case you don’t have it circled on your calendar). The brawl left a black eye on the game of basketball and spurred wholesale changes in the way the game is now marketed and perceived. Artest, as you may know, was banned for the remainder of the season.

On January 30 of this year, the Sacramento Bee reported that he was “failing to provide proper sustenance” to his dog. And, most recently, there was the domestic abuse charge in March. He was sentenced to 20 days in a county jail and community service, while Kings’ general manger Geoff Petrie suspended him for the first seven games of the season. This is the bad Artest.

The good Artest? That’s the one who’s consistently one of fantasy basketball’s most productive players. It’s the one who was the NBA’s Defensive Player of the Year in 2004. It’s the one who released a widely panned rap album. It’s the one who was asked by ESPN The Magazine about appearing in the All-Star game and responded by saying the following:

“They better not put me in the All-Star Game. I won’t shoot, but I’ll dominate that easy game. I’ll be playing hard defense. I’ll be foulin’. I’ll be flagrant fouling. Everyone will be like, ‘What are you doing?’”

As volatile and unpredictable as he is, the league needs his personality. Now, it goes without saying that domestic abuse is a horrible crime. Please don’t misunderstand this. But the man has done his time. There’s something to be said for forgiveness, even when we’re dealing with hardly sympathetic figures.

And speaking of figures, I’ll take his statistics any day of the week. Artest’s output in his long-awaited return?

17 points, 6 assists, 3 rebounds, 3 3-pointers, 3 steals, 1 block.

These two men give sports the antagonists they so desperately need. They also provide colour and humour to leagues that all too often take themselves too seriously. Welcome back, Ron and Ricky. You’ve paid your debts to society. May you continue to make us cringe, sigh and laugh all at once.

This Just In: Opening Night Observations

With the arrival of the NBA season, we’re starting a new segment. It won’t be exclusive to hoops, but the league’s new campaign gives us an excuse to trot it out. “This Just In” will bring you a night’s worth of thoughts in the ever-exciting and easy-to-read point form. Let’s get things rolling on our observations from the NBA’s real opening night.

==> Washington and Indiana played five quarters and earned Game of the Night status in this corner of the ’sphere. Considering Jermaine O’Neal and Troy Murphy were out of action for the Pacers, this one was closer than anyone expected. Gilbert “Agent Zero” Arenas picked up where he left off last season, nailing a three at the buzzer to send the game into overtime (it was the only trifecta he hit on eight attempts, but he’ll take it). Danny Granger, Mike Dunleavy, Jamaal Tinsley (who came close to a triple-double) and the gang pulled away in the extra period on home court. Talk about a statement by a Pacers team many had already written off.

==> Defensively, Jason Kapono played Philadelphia like a glove tonight. UCLA’s third all-time leading scorer can do more than hit threes. Anyone who thought he was a one-trick pony should take notice. Oh, and he made the decisive basket for Toronto. Ho-hum.

==> Sixers power forward Reggie Evans grabbed 15 rebounds in the aforementioned Toronto/Philadelphia game. This just in: the Raptors need to get better on the glass. Of course, it will be ignored for now, thanks to the 106-97 Toronto win.

==> Think Antawn Jamison was happy he didn’t have to battle with O’Neal? Here’s the evidence: 27 points, 16 rebounds, 3 3-pointers, 3 assists, a steal and a block. Arenas’ 38 point, 8 rebound, 3 assist night was what we’ve come to expect from the NBA’s resident class clown. You know what? I’m giving him a new nickname right here and now. David Stern, meet “The Producer”.

==> Bobby Simmons (yes, Bobby Simmons) picked up 18 points on 7-for-11 shooting in just 24 minutes for Milwaukee in their loss to Orlando. Could he be primed for a bounce-back year? It won’t be hard, given his negligible contributions last season.

==> Michael Buffer kicked off the Spurs/Grizzlies affair with his trademark phrase. Feel like having Buffer as your wedding emcee? It’ll cost you…$50,000 to be exact. So how was the game? Give Marc Iavaroni’s club credit. They hung with San Antonio until the game’s final seconds as Damon Stoudamire knocked down a three with 3.5 remaining. The Grizz came up juuuust short though in their upset bid, as the proven winners from San Antonio all but gave a clinic on how to close out a game, winning 104-101.

==> Should we call them the Big Four? Err…not quite. New Jersey’s Antoine “If Loving You Is Wrong, I Don’t Want to Be” Wright helped out with 21 points in 27 minutes in the Nets’ overtime loss to Chicago. Calm down, people. He hasn’t shown enough consistency to warrant a waiver pick-up. It was one game. That being said, Lawrence Frank’s club needs more than their three marquee contracts to contribute on a nightly basis.

==> Great to see P.J. Carlesimo back in a head coaching position in the NBA. The Sonics have a lot of question marks (including the possibility of relocation), but his return is well deserved.

==> So is this the same Cleveland team that made the NBA Finals last year? I guess they were a bit hungover tonight, losing by 18 in their home opener to the Dallas Mavericks. The Cavs shot a measly 36 percent from the field against a less than formidable Dallas defense. LeBron James really struggled, going 2-for-11 from the floor, getting 6 of his 10 points from the free-throw line and failing to register a point by half-time for the first time in his career. Should we be worried? Let’s give it a few games before we hit the big, red button.

==> Stephen A. Smith makes us want to turn off the TV and read a book. Also, I’m pretty sure the “A” stands for something you wouldn’t say in front of the kids.

==> Hubie Brown said something obvious, yet worthwhile. “They’re playing with heart right now,” uttered the veteran broadcaster, after a sequence in which we saw the Sonics reject a shot, run the floor and finish the fast break with a thunderous dunk. The three technical fouls in the first half were also a good indication that Hubie was on to something. Remember this was a road game, with four key additions still getting accustomed to one another. Kevin Durant’s first half of NBA action was a bit of a dud (3-for-14, 1-for-5 from 3-point range) but he did finish with 9 points, 5 boards and 3 steals in the first 24 minutes. More importantly, though, we saw flashes of what could make him an unstoppable force very soon.

==> We’d like to extend our deepest sympathies to all the Randy Foye owners out there in Fantasy Land. We feel your pain. Sure, Mike Bibby and others received worse news this past week, but at least we know what their fate will be. “Indefinite” and “lingering” have to be two of the most frustrating words in the fantasy sports lexicon, along with “platoon” and “bye”.

That’s it for now. As a sign at Air Canada Centre read tonight, may the Ford be with you.