Great Moments in Televised Radio, Vol. III

Every week, we’ll take a look at the funniest and most poignant moments from Rogers Sportsnet’s simulcast of the FAN 590’s daily dinner time show, Prime Time Sports. When entertaining host Bob McCown and his esteemed co-hosts talk to athletes, coaches, officials and media, you just know it’s going to be memorable. Watching a radio show live on television has never been this fun.

It’s been a while since the last edition of GMTR and there are plenty of gems to get to. Since we don’t have a lot of time or space, let’s get right to it.

A couple weeks ago, word came down that McCown and his producers had found this very space and were routinely checking in. Naturally, I took this as a compliment, and when the host himself took a jab at the blogosphere (and perhaps yours truly), it was only icing on the cake.

Monday, April 16: “There’s nothing stupider than people who blog on the internet,” declared McCown. “I don’t think you want to meet the people who respond to your blogs,” he added. “They haven’t seen the sun in years.”

Now I certainly don’t know McCown personally, but while many might be insulted by these kinds of remarks, I knew they were simply his way of reaching out. Look at the slings and arrows hurled by the host at recurrent guests such as Nick Kypreos (“I’ve got 150,000 turning off right now.”), David Shoalts, Bob Elliott and Al Morganti (we’ll get to that in a second). This writer couldn’t help but feel honoured to join the exclusive company of people chastised by the Bobcat. It’s good to be here.

Wednesday, April 18: After dealing with the issue of head injuries in the NFL and controversial doctor Elliot Pellman, co-host Jim Kelley gives us a parting shot, turning to concussions in the NHL. “Where are the player agents? Where is the PA on this issue? It’s a health and safety issue, not just the league. It has got to come from the outside in. It’s not happening in hockey and at least it appears to be happening now in football.” Bob? “Well, it took the better part of three hours, but you finally said something I agree with.”

Thursday, April 19: Bears linebacker Brian Urlacher has been handed a $100,000 fine for wearing the hat of a non-NFL sponsored sports drink company and drinking the product on Media Day at the most recent Super Bowl. After a lengthy discussion with Sports Illustrated football writer Don Banks, ESPN play-by-play announcer and former FAN 590 employee Dan Shulman drops by and throws McCown a beach ball. “You guys better be careful what you wear now that you’re simulcast,” he jokes. “Don’t wear any competing sponsors on your hats there, Bob.”

Mr. McCown? “Ah, screw it. I’ll wear whatever the hell I want.” Vintage Bobcat.

Friday, April 20: It’s round table time on a spectacularly sunny day in Toronto. This can only mean one thing. The host of the highest-rated sports radio show in the country is taking a day off. There is a silver lining, though, as Mike Toth is called in to pinch hit. Toth has long been my favourite Canadian sports broadcaster because of his refreshing sense of humour and encyclopedic knowledge of sports history. James Deacon, Michael Grange and Jim Kelley are seated around the table.

In the wake of the Sean Hill suspension, Deacon reveals that while working on a story about fighting in hockey several years ago, an NHL enforcer told him he believed that “just about every tough guy that he knew was taking some kind of performance-enhancing drug including steroids.” Unfortunately, as Deacon says, there’s no way to confirm it. It makes you wonder though.

Toth: “I’m not even going to talk about the Vancouver series with Dallas because I don’t want to fall asleep, so forget about it.”

More Toth: “Ottawa did really well against the Pittsburgh Penguins, but, uh, Toronto would have beat Ottawa.”

Deacon: “Aren’t you from out west?”

Toth: “I just had to get that in.”

Wednesday, April 25: More hockey, with regular guest/expert/comedian Al Morganti (for more on the Morganti/McCown comedy team, see the previous edition of this column). Former executive Neil Smith subs for Eric Duhatschek and does a nice job. The panel finishes up the segment by again looking at predictions. “I had the Penguins winning the cup,” admits Morganti. “Yeah, how’s that going?” asks co-host Stephen Brunt. “We might as well get your next choice, so that we know who’s going to get knocked out this round.”

Morganti: “I had Vancouver in the finals, so I’m still alive.”

Brunt: (Sarcastically) “Oh yeah, they’re a lock.”

McCown: “Apparently they don’t have drug testing at your radio station, huh? You were on hallucinogens at that point.”

About five minutes of hockey chatter follows. Then, Morganti laments his choices once more. “I have to pick against the team I picked the win the Cup to go on to the next round,” he says with a laugh. McCown can’t hold back. “That’s weak, man,” he says. The panel chuckles away. “They don’t keep plus-minus on the media,” Morganti quips.

T.G.I. $#&@day?

Those of you flipping between baseball and hockey on Friday night got a rare treat: the elusive triple F-bomb.

Sure, we’ve seen cursing in sports in the past (just ask Bobby Knight, Ozzie Guillen, Shea Hillenbrand and Jim Mora) and even recently (see Josh Smith and James Toney). But three times by three different people in one night? This was like the solar eclipse of sound bytes. The best part about this remarkable feat was that you had to really be in the right place at the right time to see it. Let’s review:

The first: Toronto Blue Jays’ starter A.J. Burnett gets Baltimore’s Brian Roberts to fly out to center field to end the seventh inning, wrapping up his night on the mound. The score is flashed as we’re about to head to commercial. Then, there’s a shot of Burnett heading toward the dugout. He’s looking up, as in, high up in the stands. Now, I’m no expert lip reader, but I do know the words “F#&@ you” when I see them. After seeing it, readjusting my jaw and going over it in my head to make sure I wasn’t seeing things, one thing was clear. He wasn’t saying “F#&@ yeah!”. There was no fist pump. No glove slap. If he’s letting hecklers get to him in April, we should make sure there are no sharp objects in the clubhouse when September rolls around.

The second and third: One area where CBC’s Hockey Night in Canada has improved is in post-game coverage. This, of course, includes head coaches’ live press conferences. Tampa Bay Lightning bench boss John Tortorella is known for his, shall we say, honesty with the media. CBC’s own Don Cherry was handed a seven-second delay in 2004, and they might have given Tortorella a similar leash if they had known what was coming.

Watch it here and see for yourself. There were really three things that made this moment superb.

1. The “I think I just crapped my pants” look on the face of the male reporter standing in the shot.

2. The fact that, since it was live, there was no time for bleeping or editing.

3. The New York Post’s Larry Brooks standing up to Tortorella and dropping an F-bomb of his own. Now that’s journalism.

Memory Lane: The Halifax Citadels (1988-93)

The now-defunct Halifax Citadels didn’t need much time to cement their place in minor hockey lore. In just five years, the former American Hockey League club and Quebec Nordiques affiliate provided many reasons to be remembered. It’s hard to believe, but the 20^th anniversary of their first face-off is coming up next year. In honour of this momentous occasion, let’s travel back to the days of Wang Chung and Tiananmen Square for a glimpse at a franchise we hardly knew.

In the spring of 1988, the Fredericton Express finished the best season in their history by advancing to the AHL’s championship final, the Calder Cup. Despite their success on the ice, the same could not be said for their bottom line. It was time for a change, and that summer, they were moved to the growing port city of Halifax. Making their home in the Metro Centre at the base of Citadel Hill (the site of a landmark military base), the team was appropriately renamed the Citadels.

The real irony of the franchise was that they actually drew on the history of the city far more than any other Haligonian hockey club, but could never truly forge a bond with the community’s hockey fans. The name, logo and trademark chant were emblematic of the town’s proud military history and the crowd’s cry of “No one takes the fort…HEY!” was an admirable attempt at town pride, but ultimately didn’t help as the team struggled year after year. Surprisingly, the club’s first two seasons were their most successful campaigns, but would end in consecutive first-round exists and just two playoff victories.

It’s not easy to assemble an All-Time Citadels Team (the original idea for this post) with just five seasons to work with, but there are some interesting names on the list. Remember, these are the players who performed best for the franchise, not the best players to wear the uniform. The challenge in putting this together with a minor league team is that the most talented players were usually called up to play with the big club. Check the bottom of this post for some notable alumni. Anyway, here’s our list:

GOALTENDERS: Ron Tugnutt, Stephane Fiset. Okay, I’m not going to sugarcoat this. Halifax’s crease had more turnover than a McDonald’s during its short tenure, with 14 (that’s right, 14) netminders suiting up for the Citadels in their brief existence. While Tugnutt, Fiset and John Tanner went on to carve out serviceable careers in the NHL in the years to come, the remaining 11 are hardly worthy of Billy Ocean’s consideration. Some highlights (read: lowlights) include Scott Gordon allowing ten goals in just two games in ’88-’89 for a goals against average of 5.17, Francois Gravel doing exactly the same thing the following year and Patrick Labrecque’s astounding 4.99 over a span of 20 games in ’92-’93.

DEFENSEMEN: Claude Julien, Kevin Kaminski, Greg Smyth, Jean-Marc Richard. Recognize the first name? They certainly do in the Meadowlands, where he was recently fired from his position as bench boss of the New Jersey Devils. Julien played two seasons in Halifax, amassing 60 points in the inaugural year (a Citadels season record for defensemen). Kaminski and Smyth provided the grit to compliment Julien’s offensive prowess. Smyth totaled 920 penalty minutes in parts of four seasons, while Kaminski spent 846 minutes in the sin bin during his four-season tenure. Richard makes the squad because he was consistently among the points leaders despite being on the blueline. The St. Raymond, Quebec native tallied 106 points in 167 games over three years and actually played until 2004-05 with clubs in Germany, Italy and his native province.

FORWARDS: Ladislav Tresl, Mark Vermette, Ken McRae, Denis Chasse, Miroslav Ihnacak, Ken Quinney. A truly inspiring group, I know. But, what they lacked in name recognition, they made up for in, well, games played. Vermette is the club’s all-time scoring leader with almost a point per game (231 in 256 contests) and also holds the team’s single-season goals record with the 42 siren-starters he netted in ‘92-‘93. Ihnacak (unfortunate English pronunciation aside) had a nice career as a Citadel, which of course meant he was never quite good enough to crack the Nordiques. The Czech-born winger recorded a team record 95 points in ’90-’91.

NOTABLE ALUMNI: Adam Foote, Owen Nolan, Martin Rucinsky, Anton Stastny, Chris Simon, Bill Lindsay, Curtis Leschyshyn.

So there you have it. They may not have been talented, but they were at the very least memorable. The franchise may have moved on, but here’s hoping the memories never die.

Great Moments in Televised Radio, Vol. II

Every week, we’ll take a look at the funniest and most poignant moments from Rogers Sportsnet’s simulcast of the FAN 590’s daily dinner time show, Prime Time Sports. When incorrigible host Bob McCown and his co-hosts talk to athletes, coaches, officials and media, you just know it’s going to be memorable. Watching a radio show live on television has never been this fun.

When the idea for this piece was first hatched, the plan was to cover a week’s worth of gems in each post. Well, so much for that. After the strength of yesterday’s show (and because a week had elapsed since the first post) , the April 11 program clearly deserved a spot of its own. In fact, there was enough gold in the 6-7 p.m. hour alone to fill the Royal Canadian Mint. Let’s get to it.

Hockey experts Eric Duhatschek and Al Morganti make their weekly appearance at the top of the hour. I don’t normally trust Wikipedia as a reliable source, but today it provides a tremendous tidbit on Morganti:

Al is also the founder of the annual Wing Bowl, in which thousands of people watch a competition as to who can eat the greatest amount of Buffalo wings within a certain time period.

As for the show, the two guests are in fine form. The league has given NBC the marquee playoff matchup (Pittsburgh/Ottawa) on Saturday afternoon, while sticking CBC with New Jersey/Tampa Bay in prime time. Here goes McCown. “Should NBC be given first choice based on A. The financial implications of the two contracts and B. After all, it’s America, and I’m not sure the ratings would go up one point because they have a better game than if they had a crappy game,” he says.

“Well, absolutely,” jokes Morganti. “Because when you’re paying nothing for something, you should get everything you want.”

McCown chuckles heartily as Morganti continues. “In fact, it’s insanity. I mean, what the hell is goin’ on?” McCown says CBC paid $500 million for their new deal, describing their fate as getting “scrawed”. Somebody get Webster’s on the line.

“It’s insane that NBC would get the choice,” says Morganti, driving the point home as he does so well. “What they need between periods is a picture of the [NBC] peacock chasing Gary Bettman around in booties. It’s nuts.” The thing about Morganti is, he is clearly a comic genius, but his comedic effectiveness is directly related to how angry he gets. He’s the sports world’s version of Jerry Stiller. Well, at least he would be if he didn’t remind me of Willem Dafoe.

Co-host Stephen Brunt gets Duhatschek involved.

“It’s just another example of the fact that this game is driven by this elusive dream of trying to spread the gospel of hockey to a population that is largely indifferent to it,” says Duhatschek. “If you hate the product, it implies that you’re watching it from time to time, but if you’re not even aware of it, that’s the worst possible thing.”

Now it’s two questions later and McCown still hasn’t ribbed Duhatschek. Wait for it. It’s coming. The former is looking at statistics comparing the all-time records for playoff seeding matchups. Duhatschek chastises McCown for “trotting out” the 4 vs. 5 history instead of focusing on the more interesting story of the success by seven seeds against twos. “I just looked at it literally like two minutes ago while you were babbling on and I got bored,” McCown fires back.

To wrap it up, we get the obligatory predictions, as the hosts and guests pick their Stanley Cup winners. Morganti takes Pittsburgh. Duhatschek chooses San Jose. Brunt goes with Buffalo. Bob, the envelope, please…

“It is with great chagrin that I announce that I agree with Duhatschek, which means that I’m probably dead meat.”

But Eric is quick. “I’m changing my pick right now,” he quips.

McCown explains that the Sharks would be the best team in the NHL under his 4-3-2-1 point system. “So you can go ahead and watch the Sopranos for the next eight weeks and not worry about the Cup Final. You’re welcome.”

After the extended break, Kansas City Star sports columnist Jason Whitlock responds to the Don Imus remarks and subsequent fallout. Whitlock has always been well spoken and today is no different. His latest column doesn’t condone Imus’ comments but points the finger at musicians and comedians in America who do much the same thing and receive acclaim for it. He also criticizes Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson for exploiting it for their own benefit. The larger problem, he says, lies in youth culture.

“We have a problem here in American black youth culture. We have this hip-hop culture that has really introduced all of this negative, hostile and demeaning language into our culture,” explains Whitlock. “So we lose the moral high ground to object when people are really just mimicking what they see us do on a daily basis on music and national TV. Until we police our own, we don’t have the credibility to go after an Imus the way we are.”

He’s got a point. “It’s a real simple formula: respect yourself and then other people will respect you.”

“We have to get our house in order,” he says. “We have to develop thicker skin and come to the realization that what white Americans think of us does not determine our future. What we think of ourselves will determine our destiny.” This was one of the best interviews I have seen on Prime Time. Whitlock was on with every point.

Back to hockey. New CBC Sports executive director Scott Moore joins the guys for a brief but telling exchange. He’s asked what went on between himself and NHL commissioner Gary Bettman after the decision was made to give NBC the better game. Scott? “I argued my point, he argued his. Unfortunately, he has the hammer.”

Clearly, Bettman shafted CBC here, but leave it to Bob to put it in perspective. “I pay more than NBC for the rights to NHL hockey,” says McCown. Can they fit a drum set in the studio? Now that would be great television.

The Moore interview concludes. McCown laments Moore’s fate by saying, “Scott Moore, out of the frying pan and into the fire.”

Was this a case of Bettman taking advantage of the new guy? It begs the question. Speaking of begging the question, with Bettman not going anywhere and Bill Daly being groomed as his successor, will we ever see another Canadian commissioner of the National Hockey League?

We’re back from break and it’s the closing segment. The pair get a few comments in as the music fades in and the show begins to wrap. Suddenly, there’s McCown, silent, staring off into space.

“The producer looks like he wants to say something,” says McCown. Then, there’s a shot of producer Ryan Walsh in the booth. He’s talking to Brunt and McCown but we can’t hear what’s going on.

“Whoa,” says Brunt. Something big? Tell us, Bob, if you will.

Breaking news on Prime Time? I can’t remember the last time this happened. McCown tells us the MSNBC simulcast of Don Imus’ WFAN show has just been dropped. This thing is snowballing quickly. Here’s a novel idea. Maybe people should actually listen to Whitlock and figure out what the real problem is. We’ll all be better off in the end.

Growing the Garbo, Day 12

After Toronto Raptors forward Jorge Garbajosa was ruled out for the season due to a horrific injury suffered in the March 26 game in Boston, I decided to honour him by growing my own version of his trademark beard.

We’re now at Day 12 of ‘The Garbo’ and several things are clear:

1. No one from the team has officially come out and said it, but the remainder of the season has been dedicated to Garbajosa. Toronto is 5-1 since he went down and it is clear that they are playing with a little extra motivation. Call it destiny, fate and perhaps even a little bit of luck, but the fire under the Raptors has been lit.

2. After Chicago’s victory over New Jersey last night secured the Raptors’ first division title in franchise history, the real battle will now be for home court advantage in the playoffs. Toronto needs to hang on to the 3rd seed to land home court and has to face Detroit twice before season’s end.

3. The Washington Wizards are all but finished, but Toronto is quietly hoping they still somehow manage to hang on to the 6th spot in the East. Washington is four games ahead of the Nets and despite losing Gilbert Arenas and Caron Butler, there is a realistic chance that they could qualify for the playoffs and hang on to their current position. New Jersey would have to win nearly every remaining game and hope Washington were to lose nearly every contest left on the schedule for the Nets to leapfrog the Wizards. So what does it all mean? Toronto will be rooting for the Wizards and against the Nets for the rest of the season.

4. After dealing with this beard for nearly a couple of weeks now, I must say one thing. Garbajosa has to be commended for putting up with his face fungus all year round. I’m surprised you never see shots of him itching it on the court, or trimming it during timeouts.

So now that Toronto has clinched a playoff berth and won the Atlantic Division, it’s time to dust off the razor and return to the real world. That’s right, folks. It’s been a good ride, but there will be no more confused looks and comments from friends and colleagues. The team will continue to play for the injured Garbajosa and I should hope that my tribute has kept the gritty veteran in the hearts and minds of basketball fans and facial hair enthusiasts alike.

Great Moments in Televised Radio, Vol. I

Every week, we’ll take a look at the funniest and most poignant moments from Rogers Sportsnet’s simulcast of the FAN 590’s daily dinner time show, Prime Time Sports. When incorrigible host Bob McCown and his co-hosts talk to athletes, coaches, officials and media, you just know it’s going to be memorable. Watching a radio show live on television has never been this fun.

Thursday, March 29: Sports business writer Darren Rovell tells us that Fenway Park, one of the last of the old stadiums, has transformed from a pure, advertisement-free landmark to a haven of corporate sponsorship. “It’s like a minor league stadium,” he says. Or maybe a NASCAR vehicle. A European hockey club’s jersey also comes to mind. Apparently the Red Sox need every penny they can squeeze out of Frank’s Red Hot and Pfizer to keep up with the Yankees. Do what you want to the outfield walls and backstop. Just please, for all that is good in the land of Carlton Fisk and Johnny Pesky, lay off the uniforms.

Moments before going off the air for the day, Bob McCown and his co-host, the Globe and Mail’s Stephen Brunt, look forward to baseball’s Opening Day. As the closing music plays and the credits roll, Brunt encourages kids to “skip school on Monday.” McCown responds by saying, “Hey, I might just skip work…[after a beat]…like that would be an event.” Say what you want about McCown’s style, but he never fails to get the last punch in before the bell.

Friday, March 30: The Friday round table is consistently the most entertaining of the week’s five shows, simply because of the amount of people piled in to the sardine can of a studio. On this occasion, it’s the last show before Opening Day, and we have McCown, Brunt, Elliott Wahle (former Blue Jays director of player personnel) and the always enjoyable former Major Leaguer, Bill “Spaceman” Lee.

McCown gets things rolling by stating that baseball’s first day is unlike any other in sports. He’s right. Spring is here, optimism is high and all teams are equal before the six-month marathon begins. Brunt explains why baseball is so different. “It’s not an assault of entertainment,” he says. “Everything else in the world now is assaulting. Everything comes at you. Baseball, in that sense, is very old fashioned, it’s very different, and it requires you to be a part of it.” Couldn’t agree more. Go on. “It requires an investment in a different way. I feel like a geezer saying it, but that’s what I like about it.”

McCown can’t resist. He has to chime in.

“Does that inhibit the future of the game? We all know the kids today are in a society that induces instant gratification.” No, Bob. Don’t do this. Please. The camera shifts to Lee, sitting there like the one guy in a brawl who waits quietly in the corner doing nothing. You know something is coming. He just needs to be pushed over the edge, and McCown is baiting him nicely. “I have concerns as to whether the pace of the game can be an attraction to young people,” McCown continues. “Can they slow down long enough to experience the enjoyment that we all felt and continue to feel for the game? Bill?”

Rather than give you the entire transcript of Lee’s answer, let’s look at a list of topics covered in his rant, which, for the record, lasted for just over a minute:

1. Speeding up the game.
2. Making it less commercial.
3. “Our diet in our society.”
4. The kids today have ADD.
5. They’re obese.
6. Inner-city kids aren’t playing the game.
7. It’s doing well internationally, but what about here?

This would be great on your car radio on the ride home from work, but because it’s on television, it’s a million times better. We see what looks like the guy who hangs out in Times Square with a “The End is Near” sign. Lee is sporting a camouflage ball cap, a T-shirt that he probably wore under his uniform in the ’70s, and he clearly hasn’t shaved. Yes, he was always known as a hippie (who reportedly sang Warren Zevon songs during games, practiced yoga and admittedly smoked marijuana while in the league). But seeing and hearing him vent like this made me wonder why he doesn’t have his own show. He clearly speaks for a generation, or at least a segment of one.

Wednesday, April 4: Today is just one of those days. Nothing is going right on the show, and McCown won’t let us forget it. The producer has been trying for hours to get legendary basketball executive and potential bidder for the Chicago Cubs, Jerry Colangelo, to address his interest in buying the team. No luck. McCown and co-host Jim Kelley wonder where he is as word comes down that even his secretary can’t reach him. This is live radio, and live television. These things happen. Still, the host/curmudgeon, McCown, has to fill time.

“Nothing like a well produced radio show…[pause]…and this is nothing like a well produced radio show.”