There Is No Joy in Glanville

Those of you who frequent ESPN.com on your daily tour of the interweb may have came across former Major League Baseball player Doug Glanville’s stirring guest column on the website today.

If you haven’t, it’s certainly worth your time. Why?

For one, this is one of, if not the first example of a clean pedestrian player speaking out and lamenting the now public dishonest nature of the league he played an integral part in for nearly a decade. Sure, we’ve seen Curt Schilling’s thoughts on the issue, but he’s in the spotlight on a regular basis.

Glanville’s voice is unique and we identify with it because he isn’t superhuman. He describes himself as “a singles hitter with a good glove”, which is accurate. He wasn’t a flashy player or a slugging demigod. Doug Glanville, by all accounts (including his own), was an honest, hard-working, average Major League Baseball player. He also happens to be an Ivy League graduate, and his column is what one might expect from someone of his educational background.

With eloquence, passion and remorse, he provides a perspective that all members of society can understand.

Glanville served as the union representative for the Philadelphia Phillies and often volunteered his time to such charitable causes as the Corporate Alliance for Drug Education. But as he points out, he was never one to preach or villify a teammate for their choice. He points the finger not at the individual but at society as a whole.

So what can you take from it? Well, in the wake of the Mitchell Report, and with many of the game’s fallen heroes clutching to the “mistake” copout and clinging to nervous denials, it’s refreshing to hear a new point of view. One that doesn’t necessarily represent that of the common man (these are still millionaire professional athletes, remember), but that of an average baseball player questioning not just his former co-workers, but the culture in which he lives. While many of his peers resorted to banned substances and other equally unethical performance aids, Glanville stood by what he believed in. His message may come off as preachy or self-indulgent, but guess what? He has the right to be.

He says he played clean, and unlike all those fallen folk heroes who have fed you the same old party line, there’s something different about this voice.

You believe him.

“Who’s NOT?” Round Three: The Elite Eight.

The wait is over. The results of the first two rounds of our “Who’s NOT?” competition are in, and it’s time to find out who has qualified for Round Three. Who has inched one step closer to being the most unpopular entity in sports? Without further ado, let’s break it down:

(1) Michael Vick vs. (9) Bud Selig

Your winner: Vick.

The tournament’s top seed has been in the news consistently since this bracket began, and he has now ended all hope for a Selig-Bonds championship final. Vick is more deserving of a Final Four berth than Selig, as he has been a water cooler staple for much of the summer since the investigation into the dogfighting ring he allegedly took part in was made public. The one-time NFL posterboy is negotiating a plea agreement through his legal team which they hope will reduce his punishment and perhaps even allow him to play football this season, as he has not yet been suspended by commissioner Roger Goodell. The bottom line here? Vick is now a fixture in the news for all the wrong reasons. Selig just announced he will not penalize Jason Giambi for the latter’s admission that he knowingly took steroids, but Vick is simply more loathed right now. Both are in hot water for poor decision-making, but Vick’s image is currently in much worse shape.

(2) Barry Bonds vs. (7) Terrell Owens

Your winner: Bonds.

Owens has been quieter than a mute librarian this off-season, prompting many to wonder if he has actually been abducted and replaced by a docile alien host. Sure, he hated playing for Bill Parcells, a fact he made abundantly clear. But you’d think he would stir the training camp pot just a little. No? Sorry, Terrell. Your run at ultimate hatred ends here. Bonds, you might recall, polarized the baseball world recently by breaking the hallowed all-time homerun mark (you want an asterisk? How about denial? No one wants to touch its legitimacy, at least not in the immediate aftermath). While it might be a touchy subject, one thing is clear. The majority of “sports nation”, if you will, does not favour Barry Bonds. And that’s putting it nicely.

(3) Adam “Pacman” Jones vs. (11) Maple Leaf Sports and Entertainment

Your winner: Jones.

The Human Handful (make that double handful if you’re counting arrests) has done it again and ended MLSE’s dream of being this tournament’s George Mason. Yes, Mr. Jones has been a topic of conversation in the sports world of late because of his forray into the wrestling arena. Well, not exactly, thanks to a quick veto from his NFL employer. When he realized the Titans weren’t going to let him put himself in danger of getting hurt (a.k.a. living his everyday life), he decided it would be better to just talk about it. Or, more accurately, rap about it. This guy is incapable of restoring his image, despite his desperate attempts. All he has to do is serve his time and try to be a respectable human being. We all know that’s not going to happen, which is why he is moving on to the semi-finals.

(4) Mike Tyson vs. (5) Tim Donaghy

Your winner: Donaghy.

Tyson entered this event with a ranking that was, in all honesty, higher than many would have expected. As the Donaghy story unravelled (and continues to do so), it became apparent that he would be the giant-killer and Cinderella entry in the field. The latest news that he has now plead guilty to two felony charges gives him a relatively easy win over Tyson, who hasn’t been heard from in months. People are genuinely angry and shocked at Donaghy, and boxing’s most tragic and unfortunate figure has gotten lost in the shuffle. He’s now completely out of the limelight, which might be the best thing for him. As for Donaghy, his fate has only begun to spiral downward. He’s on his way to further shame and is one of the four remaining figures in the first annual “Who’s NOT?” tournament.

So, there’s your Final Four. It’s a competitive group (of disliked personalities, of course). We’re in for a classic showdown of the worst characters the sports world has to offer. Will Jones challenge Bonds to a wrestling match? Will Donaghy alter the outcome of his semi-final tilt with Michael Vick? You’ll just have to tune in to find out.

“Who’s NOT?” Round Two.

After much deliberation, the jury of disgraced former professional athletes has spoken. The battle to become sports’ most unpopular figure is underway, and while sixteen entities entered the competition, only eight remain. Here’s a recap of the first-round matchups and how they played out:

(1) Michael Vick vs. (16) Rick Tocchet

Your winner: Vick. This was hardly a dogfight (pun intended), as one scandal demolished the other. It’s almost as though sports fans and media alike have completely forgotten about ‘Operation Slapshot’. The same, however, can’t be said for Vick, who is now embroiled in a world of problems. The (former?) quarterback will sit out the entire 2007-08 season, has lost his heap of endorsement deals, and faces an uncertain future of either heavy jail time or simply a mauled reputation (pun intended).

(2) Barry Bonds vs. (15) Daunte Culpepper

Your winner: Bonds. Interestingly enough, both of them made news this week. Culpepper found a home with the Oakland Raiders, while Barry-Barry-Quite-Contrary mashed home run number 755 to tie Henry Aaron for the all-time record. Despite Splog contributor Dave Ling’s argument that “at least Barry Bonds is achieving something”, one has to follow that with, “…but is anyone taking him seriously?” While many might be tracking his attempt to taint the game’s history, how many of those people are actually rooting for him? Culpepper’s popularity has risen recently due to his sudden fantasy impact. Bonds is now one step closer to being the ultimate baseball villain. Somewhere, Pete Rose is smiling.

(3) Adam “Pacman” Jones vs. (14) Anna Kournikova

Your winner: Jones. Kournikova is so far removed from the public eye and Jones was so recently in it that this became an easy decision. Sure, Anna was once immensely popular and now isn’t, but she’s fallen off the map completely (sorry, World Team Tennis fans). Like this tournament’s number-one seed, Jones will miss the entire 2007-08 NFL season and his reputation among fans and media has been sullied thanks to the handful–err–two handfuls of incidents he has been booked for.

(4) Mike Tyson vs. (13) The Chilean under-20 national soccer team

Your winner: Tyson. Yes, he’s a tragic figure. Yes, he’s aging and on the decline. But in a head-to-head matchup with Chile’s under-20 soccer squad, he is clearly still the more unpopular of the two. Are we even talking about Chile’s World Cup incident any more? Didn’t think so. There was a chance for an upset here, but Tyson is still more loathed. Sure, ask Toronto police who they’d pick and you might have a different result, but “Iron” Mike’s fall from grace is still relevant and despite his sad decline, he remains the more unpopular choice.

(5) Tim Donaghy vs. (12) Sean Sherk

Your winner? Donaghy. The sharks have started to circle around the former NBA referee, and it’s now only a matter of time before he is brought in and given his punishment. Sherk’s story tagged him with a high dose of unpopularity (much like the high dose of performance-enhancing drugs in his system during the drug test), but it was not nearly enough to overcome the league-shattering crooked ref story. Donaghy’s actions have made him public enemy number one in the NBA, and have opened the floodgates on questions regarding gambling and sports. Fans in Toronto, Phoenix and other cities hurt by Donaghy’s manipulation all agree. It’s Donaghy in a landslide.

(6) Gary Sheffield vs. (11) Maple Leaf Sports and Entertainment

Your winner: MLSE. Ladies and gentlemen, we have our first upset of the bracket. This one sent the judges into overtime, and after hours of heated arguments (Ben Johnson said a few things about the East German swim team that he probably didn’t mean), The Corporation edged out Sheffield by the slimmest of margins. MLSE has repeatedly torn the hearts out of Toronto hockey fans over the last decade, and there is not a more disliked business organization in all of sport, save for the Bay Area Lab Co-operative. Sure, Sheffield is guilty of a few despicable acts and culturally divisive remarks, but we know he’s just craving attention. Plus, he’s a dangerous hitter who has never been linked to drug use. He’s injured right now, so we’re sympathetic. This season, he has managed 23 homeruns, 89 runs scored and a .290 batting average in 101 games. Peddie, Tanenbaum and company have a track record that’s much worse, and a reputation to match.

(7) Terrell Owens vs. (10) Alex Rodriguez

Your winner: Owens. This one came oh-so-close to being our second straight upset, but the favourite was able to eke out the victory in the dying seconds. Here’s the thing about this pairing: both of these guys have mended their reputations considerably in the last few months. Rodriguez has stopped (being caught for) his adulterous ways and on-field antics, instead letting his 500th career home run do the talking. He’s now the youngest ever to reach the feat, and people seem to have forgotten the infamous trip to Toronto earlier this season, along with his status as baseball’s spoiled brat. Owens is interesting because he has become popular for being unpopular. This off-season has been his quietest to date, but with A-Rod basking in positive vibes, T.O. wins this tight first-round affair by a hair.

(8) Kobe Bryant vs. (9) Bud Selig

Your winner: Selig. The 8-9 matchups are always hard to handicap, and this one was no different. Bryant is a loathed NBA star, but his whining and desire to leave the Lakers has apparently died down. Selig, on the other hand, finds himself smack dab in the middle of the headlines as Barry Bonds approaches the all-time home run record. His George Mitchell-led investigation of steroids in the game has not moved quickly enough, and it appears the history books will be tarnished before the FBI makes any more headway in the case. Selig never does what is right for the game, despite what he might tell the public. He does what the public expects him to do, and rides the “crusade against drugs” P.R. wave until it fades back into the ocean of baseball news stories. The problem? It won’t. The other problem? If he really wanted to get drugs out of the game, he would have done it years ago when instead, he looked the other way and watched the money bags roll in.

So there you have it. The round of sixteen is in the books and it’s on to the Elite Eight. Here’s a breakdown of the second-round bracket:

(1) Michael Vick vs. (9) Bud Selig

(2) Barry Bonds vs. (7) Terrell Owens

(3) Adam “Pacman” Jones vs. (11) Maple Leaf Sports and Entertainment

(4) Mike Tyson vs. (5) Tim Donaghy

Be sure to check back next week to find out who will move on to the Final Four. It promises to be an unpopularity contest for the ages.

Start Your (Search) Engines

Just as true fans and journalists alike spend hours perusing box scores, one of the best parts of having a blog is getting a look at the statistics. I’m not going to lie. Seeing the search engine terms entered by users randomly surfing the web and happening upon this small slice of the internet has become a truly entertaining pastime. Some people come in search of the blog itself and others look for topics addressed here. Then, of course, there are completely random and often hilarious queries. So rather than continuing to enjoy them for myself, it’s time to share the best user searches of the week.

7. “Rick Aguilera AND Mormon”. After I wrote this Memory Lane piece about Game Six of the 1986 World Series back in late March, the searches started pouring in. This game has an appeal unlike any other in baseball history. Yes, there have been more memorable individual moments (Thomson, Mays, Mazeroski, Fisk, Carter, etc.), but this game stands alone as a masterpiece (of comedy and tragedy) from start to finish. As for Aguilera, I did indeed mention that he was a devout Mormon and apparently, people are interested in this kind of thing.

6. “Greg Smyth hockey”. This one came after the Memory Lane feature on the Halifax Citadels. I can’t imagine who would be looking for details on an obscure hockey journeyman like Greg Smyth, but maybe his family just had some free time. He did spend time in the NHL with Philadelphia, Quebec, Toronto, Florida, Chicago and Calgary, so it’s entirely possible that he has a cult following.

5. “Who won the 1986 World Series?”. Another classic search grabbing hold of the first Memory Lane piece. What surprised me was the way this one was worded. The thing about that series was it was more about who lost it than who was ultimately victorious. Also, I can understand if a casual fan or baseball neophyte doesn’t know what happened, but I would have just typed in the event and read up on the result. It’s actually better this way though, because we know exactly what was going through the seacher’s mind.

4. A dead heat between “Bob McCown Rogers commercials music” and “Bob McCown Rogers commercials song”. Honorable mention to “Prime Time Sports simulcast theme”. These types of searches have been so regular that I might have to actually investigate. It appears that in this day and age of information overload (and with overwhelming interest in the radio show covered in this corner of the blogosphere) there is even a fan base for the soundtracks to both PTS and McCown’s Sportsnet ads. I have to admit, I have been caught bobbing my head or humming along with them, but I’ve never had the urge to find them online.

3. “Worst sports media personnel”. I don’t even feel like I need to say anything here. This one really speaks for itself. Seriously though, all kidding aside, I’m really not sure how this led the searcher here. I have a great deal of respect for the “sports media personnel” dealt with in these pages. The fact that people are looking for the worst is amusing, but they’ve clearly made a wrong turn if they expect to find them here.

2. “Marijuana Raptors”. I laughed out loud when I saw this one. I mean, come on. Really, people? These two words don’t exactly go hand in hand (“Welcome back to Word Association…your word, Tim, is…Raptors.”) Somewhere out there sits a very bored and probably hungry individual.

1. “Great Moments in Gospel Music, Vol. 2″. Can I get an amen from the congregation? This one also had me in stitches. Testify! I just wish I could have seen the look on their face when they found “Great Moments in Televised Radio, Vol. 2″. What a difference a couple of words make. Hey, it must have been alright, because the religious reader stuck around to read it.

This is going to have to be a recurring segment now. Until next time, may your searches bring you what you’re looking for (and maybe a little curveball along the way).