Let’s Make a Deal

The Toronto Raptors need to make a trade.

Those words may surprise you, especially after Friday night’s hard-fought 83-73 victory in San Antonio, the defending champions’ second loss on home court in 17 games this season. The words might come as a shock to some, considering the club is surviving without its starting point guard. But with the uncertainty surrounding T.J. Ford’s health and as his basketball future hangs in the balance, the reigning NBA Executive of the Year will soon be in the spotlight. The trading deadline is approaching, and it has become apparent that this club will make a move before the clock strikes 3 p.m. on February 21.

“But why?” you ask. “Things seem to be going pretty well, right?”

Toronto is now 16-15 after 31 games, good enough for sixth spot in the Eastern Conference. This was a team that was supposed to build upon last season’s playoff berth and rise to new heights. They lost Jorge Garbajosa for the season and haven’t gotten consistent production from 2007 first-overall pick Andrea Bargnani. The biggest problem the Raptors have, however, is at the point guard position. Not because Jose Calderon hasn’t done his job. He’s filled in exceptionally for Ford as a starter. The Colangelo-era Raptors pride themselves on their depth, but look at the roster. There’s one position that may have been overlooked.

Now, granted. No one saw this coming. It was an unlucky (read: freak) injury that could never have been foreseen. But combine Ford’s history of injuries and the nature of his spinal stenosis and his career is now in jeopardy.

As The Star’s Doug Smith writes, he should take all the time he needs to decide what’s best for himself and his family. In the meantime, though, it’s time to start looking forward and planning for the worst.

So, let’s do it.

Darrick Martin is not a serviceable back-up. Juan Dixon is not a serviceable backup, nor is he a natural point guard but rather a shooting guard playing out of position because of Sam Mitchell’s lack of options.

What makes this interesting is the fact that Calderon, Dixon and Martin all have deals scheduled to expire after this season. Martin is a valuable asset to keep because he’s cheap ($770,610), great for team chemistry and is basically an assistant coach wearing a uniform. More importantly, he has two trade restrictions in his contract by virtue of a. being signed less than three months ago (the league prohibits a player from being dealt until he’s been with his new club for at least three months) and b. being a one-year “bird”, or having a one-year deal with the option to become an ‘early-bird free agent’ at season’s end. In other words, he’s un-trade-able.

Dixon, on the other hand (who you’ll recall was brought in from Portland for Fred Jones at last year’s trade deadline) is expendable and should be considered to be up for grabs.

Calderon is a team player, an efficient playmaker with a flair for the dramatic but a cool head in crunch time. Teams want this type of player, especially one with his international resume. These teams will make him offers in the off-season and force Toronto to decide on his future.

We’ll assume the Raptors hang on to him for the balance of the season (given Ford’s murky status). Toronto’s current payroll sits at $67,052,973, which puts them $11,422,973 over the salary cap. This ties Colangelo’s hands a little, but there’s still plenty of room for creativity.

With all of this in mind, let’s fire up ESPN.com’s Trade Machine to look at a few potential deals.

Idea #1:

Toronto sends Juan Dixon ($2.5m), Joey Graham ($1.6m) and cash considerations to Orlando for Carlos Arroyo ($4m) and the rights to Fran Vasquez.

Financially, this deal works out perfectly. The contracts are balanced and Toronto accomplishes its goal of getting a solid point guard (and former Raptor) in Arroyo, who’s been playing well lately, averaging around 9 points, 4 assists, 4 rebounds and less than 1 turnover per game this week. His recent run includes Friday’s 13 point, 5 assist, 7 rebound, 0 turnover effort against Miami.

Toronto also picks up a prospect with upside in Fran Vasquez. The Spaniard would fit well into Colangelo’s vision for the club and add to the international flavour. He’d give them a post presence with solid fundamentals and basketball IQ. Vasquez ticked off Magic brass when he decided to stay in Europe this season rather than joining the club which drafted him 11th overall in 2005, so it wouldn’t be a heartbreaking loss from Orlando’s perspective. His NBA future is unclear, making him easy to let go.

Orlando adds Dixon and Graham. They have a dearth of shooters (Hedo Turkoglu, J.J. Reddick, Pat Garrity, Keith Bogans, Keyon Dooling) and would be looking to acquire athleticism and add depth at small forward. Graham gets this done for them. Dixon is a nice throw-in who gets a second third chance to display his skill set in a system that benefits combo-guards with the desire to shoot such as himself.

The Verdict: This deal would likely never happen, because Arroyo is a valuable part of Orlando’s present and future, and they’re just not getting enough in Graham and Dixon. Vasquez is an interesting piece, but he has decent upside and the Magic would want more for him. Plus, the questions surrounding his jump to the NBA may scare Colangelo away. Too bad, really, because on paper, this deal works.

Idea #2:

Toronto sends Kris Humphries ($2.5m) and Joey Graham ($1.6m) to Memphis for Damon Stoudamire ($4.35m).

Oh, how times have changed. He may have held ill feelings toward Toronto back then, but Stoudamire, Toronto’s first-ever draft pick (seventh overall in 1995), might have a different feeling about the franchise now, given that the Raptors are a contending team. He’d welcome a move to the Eastern Conference on a club destined for the playoffs, and would be a veteran presence and mentor for the younger players. He’d be coming full circle and finishing his career where it all began. He’s on the books for two more years and is still productive at age 34, averaging 3.9 assists in 21 minutes per game with Memphis this season. This could be a nice fit.

Humphries has really been a pleasant surprise for Toronto, giving them the strong rebounder off the bench they sorely needed. But, the fact is, his trade value is at a decent level right now. Looking at the Grizzlies’ roster, this is exactly what they need; a young, energetic rebounding force. Sure, he’s locked in for another four years, but given his production (10 points, five rebounds per game in only 15 minutes per night over the last month) and potential, this is a good move for Memphis. They dump Stoudamire and get younger. Plus, they get Graham, who’s a tad overpaid but could benefit from the change of scenery and perhaps an increase in minutes.

The Verdict: (In fine Marv Albert form) “YES!” The Raptors get exactly what they need in a veteran point guard who won’t log heavy minutes, and the Grizzlies get the likeable Humphries. It will be tough to part with Humph from a defensive standpoint, but it frees up time and space in the post for Bargnani, who’s begun to get lost in the rotation. Graham is a throw-in, but they’ll take him. This trade works well for both parties, and they’d be fools not to shake on it.

By the way, have you noticed both of the proposed deals so far include former Raptors coming back to Toronto? Coincidence? Yes.

Idea #3:

Toronto sends Kris Humphries ($2.5m) and Juan Dixon ($2.5m) to Los Angeles for Sam Cassell ($6.15m).

The Clippers get rid of their wily veteran/ageless wonder in exchange for younger talent. With Shaun Livingston (ailing but still in the fold), Brevin Knight and Dan Dickau at the point guard position, the Clippers can afford to part with the geriatric Cassell in favour of a shooting combo-guard in Dixon and an energetic glass cleaner in Humphries. The deal passes the NBA’s financial litmus test, and satisfies both sides. It’s another 2-for-1, but I don’t think Colangelo flinches at the prospect of getting a proven playoff-tested veteran point guard. He gives up Humphries, whose value is higher than it may ever be right now (despite really only possessing value in one category), but Bosh, Nesterovic, Baston and Bargnani can handle the rebounding duties until season’s end.

The Verdict: It’s the Clippers and Donald Sterling, so you never know. But throw this one on the table and it gets done. The Raptors get more playoff experience and add the point guard they so desperately need. Los Angeles sheds a million bucks, gets younger and improves their rebounding and mid-range shooting. Humphries’ long-term deal is the only thing stopping this deal from being stamped. Cassell and Dixon are free agents after this year.

So there are three possible trade scenarios, and you can interpret them as you may. The Raptors don’t have a lot of tradeable commodities at this point, making any other deal unlikely. As many in the media have eluded to before, most NBA GMs would rather sit back and decline a deal than accept one and risk making the wrong move.

That being said, however, anything’s possible. Especially when the league’s top executive is sitting in the general manager’s office.

Joey Graham Knows His Civies

“Now, Chris, is this the first time you’ve ever been blindfolded?”

Ahem.

“Well, there was that time in Vegas last year at All-Star Weekend…oh, and in Rome, we…umm…yeah. Then, there was that time during my recruiting trip to Georgia Tech…let’s just say there’s a reason I chose to go there.”

And another thing. There’s a piece of hidden genius here. Graham is forced to draw…a white t-shirt. Which, if you think about it, is probably how he’ll be remembered.

“I like the way he even drew the back of the t-shirt there,” quips VJ Matte Babel. Well, that’s not too surprising, Matte, considering he’s so familiar with wearing civilian clothing. During NBA games.

Next time on “Raptors Play Pictionary”, head coach Sam Mitchell draws up a play with the game on the line, and the team has twenty seconds to figure out what it is. Oh wait, that’s just the final timeout from tonight’s game against the Hawks.

Anderson Varejao 360

This isn’t CNN, and the subject of this post isn’t a Vanderbilt who drives the ladies wild. Yet another Anderson has come full circle, far from the comforts of a television studio in Atlanta.

Anderson Varejao, the energetic Brazilian power forward who had been embroiled in a bitter contract squabble with the Cleveland Cavaliers, will reportedly be re-joining the club. In case you missed it, here’s a quick blow-by-blow recap of the saga:

- During the 2006-07 season, his third in the NBA, he averages 6.8 points and 6.7 rebounds in 24 minutes per game. The year culminates with Cleveland’s improbable run to the Finals, during which Varejao proves to be a valuable post presence off the bench. His salary for this campaign? $945,600. When the final whistle sounds, he officially becomes a restricted free agent. Let the games begin.

- Along with agent Dan Fegan, Team Varejao decides to ride the wave of the Cavs’ success (and his newfound national exposure) in an attempt to parlay them into a contract extension [read: raise].

- Throughout the summer, Cleveland brass and Varejao’s camp sling offers back and forth, with nothing close to a compromise reached. At first, the contention is over the dollar amount (Varejao’s people propose $8-9 million at one point), but it then becomes a battle over the length of the contract. Fegan wants the team to cave and allow his client to become a free agent sooner (a short deal but a high per-year amount), but the club wants to lock him up for more years at a lower rate per season. Back and forth we go. Cleveland and Charlotte discuss a sign-and-trade that would send the forward to the Bobcats, but it falls through. The months drag on, and as training camp approaches, it becomes clear that Varejao won’t be on the Cavs’ opening day roster.

- The season begins, and sure enough, he isn’t a Cavalier. In fact, he even considers playing in Europe for a year.

- The two sides effectively arrive at a standstill, and all is relatively quiet on the Varejao front…

- But fast forward to this week. On Tuesday, word comes down the wire that those very same Charlotte Bobcats have signed him to an offer sheet worth $17.4 million over three years. The key, of course, is the player option in the final year of the deal. Cleveland is now on the clock, with a week to match the offer or let him walk.

- The next day, Brian Windhorst of the Akron Beacon-Journal reports the Cavs intend to match, but because they’re currently sitting at the roster maximum of 15 players, another move must be executed before he can re-join the club and begin mending a rift that has now reached chasm proportions.

So here we are. He is now scheduled to make $5.3, $5.7 and $6.2 million over the next three years. If indeed the club bites its tongue and swallows the contract, the two sides have some serious damage control to do. Varejao’s bitter words about the Cleveland organization were recently made public, and you can bet they’re still fresh in the minds of their intended targets. So what now? After all is said and done, one thing’s for sure. This could be awkward.

Oh, to be in the Cavs’ locker room when Varejao comes strolling in. Perhaps he should call Stephon Marbury and ask him how he handled re-joining the Knicks after abandoning them in mid-season.

In light of everything that’s gone down in this bizarre, unreasonable, ridiculous series of events, was it worth it? He clearly got lucky after Charlotte showed their desperate need for a big man, forcing Cleveland (who aren’t loving life without LeBron James) to retain him. Fegan got what he wanted. Varejao gets to return to the NBA. But what was really going on here? Did Cleveland want him all along, despite occasionally hinting at the contrary?

What we’re left with, finally, is a compromise. They just took a perplexing path to get there.

So welcome back, Andy. Oh, and if any Cavs’ equipment managers/cheerleaders/medical staffers are reading this, please remember to cue up your HandiCams the moment he steps into that locker room and do us a favour by posting it on YouTube. This could be the most awkward reunion since The Police announced they were going back on tour.

In the end, after months of bickering and nit-picking, they’ve got him. Or, they’re stuck with him. Any way you slice it, Anderson Varejao is reportedly soon to be a Cleveland Cavalier again.

I think I speak for everyone in NBA circles when I say I never thought I’d be typing those words.

Pass the Aspirin: The Return of Ron-Ron and Ricky

“Congratulations, Ron Artest and Ricky Williams. Welcome back into our lives.”

We’ll just go ahead and assume that wasn’t your initial reaction if you happened upon the news that two of the sports world’s most notorious figures were reinstated in their respective leagues yesterday.

Artest’s seven-game suspension for domestic abuse came to an end tonight, as he suited up for the Sacramento Kings in a regular season game for the first time since last spring.

Meanwhile, Ricky Williams was officially reinstated by the National Football League on the same day, after serving an 18-month ban for repeatedly testing positive for marijuana.

Upstanding citizens, aren’t they? It’s not easy to be sympathetic towards two of the most troubled athletes in North America. But while you shouldn’t shed a tear for them, there actually are reasons to trot out the welcome wagon.

Sure, Williams is the ultimate headache, but his return to the winless Miami Dolphins is absolutely what the once proud franchise deserves. Really, from a karmic standpoint, this is exactly what should happen. Think about it. The Dolphins had a chance to give their fans hope in last summer’s NFL draft, but abruptly turned their back on them, passing on promising quarterback Brady Quinn in favour of receiver Ted Ginn, Jr. Despite riding Hall of Fame quarterback Dan Marino for almost two decades, they could never translate it into a championship or successful run of playoff appearances. This is a poorly run organization, from top to bottom. Don’t believe me? Get Don Shula drunk and ask him.

So after failing to confront Williams’ ongoing drug problems head on for years, they were given his inconsistency and abrasiveness with the media as a reward. The mercurial running back simply isn’t worth the trouble he causes. We know that. They know that. The odd thing is, there are very few things going right with the Dolphins these days, and their running game is one of them. Jesse Chatman has stepped in for the injured Ronnie Brown and delivered fairly consistent numbers. So why the talk of a Ricky Williams-Miami reunion? Because at this point, they get more attention being the laughingstock than the winless team with one promising fill-in.

Normally, headaches are painful and annoying. But in this case? Let’s hope they re-sign him.

And then, there’s Ron-Ron.

Artest’s situation is obviously a little different, considering he was still the property of a professional sports team while he was forced to sit at home and play video games with his entourage. But the most glaring parallel to Williams, of course, is that Artest is also a repeat offender. He was infamously suspended along with eight other players in the now infamous “Malice at the Palace” on Nov. 19, 2004 (we’re five days from the three-year anniversary, in case you don’t have it circled on your calendar). The brawl left a black eye on the game of basketball and spurred wholesale changes in the way the game is now marketed and perceived. Artest, as you may know, was banned for the remainder of the season.

On January 30 of this year, the Sacramento Bee reported that he was “failing to provide proper sustenance” to his dog. And, most recently, there was the domestic abuse charge in March. He was sentenced to 20 days in a county jail and community service, while Kings’ general manger Geoff Petrie suspended him for the first seven games of the season. This is the bad Artest.

The good Artest? That’s the one who’s consistently one of fantasy basketball’s most productive players. It’s the one who was the NBA’s Defensive Player of the Year in 2004. It’s the one who released a widely panned rap album. It’s the one who was asked by ESPN The Magazine about appearing in the All-Star game and responded by saying the following:

“They better not put me in the All-Star Game. I won’t shoot, but I’ll dominate that easy game. I’ll be playing hard defense. I’ll be foulin’. I’ll be flagrant fouling. Everyone will be like, ‘What are you doing?’”

As volatile and unpredictable as he is, the league needs his personality. Now, it goes without saying that domestic abuse is a horrible crime. Please don’t misunderstand this. But the man has done his time. There’s something to be said for forgiveness, even when we’re dealing with hardly sympathetic figures.

And speaking of figures, I’ll take his statistics any day of the week. Artest’s output in his long-awaited return?

17 points, 6 assists, 3 rebounds, 3 3-pointers, 3 steals, 1 block.

These two men give sports the antagonists they so desperately need. They also provide colour and humour to leagues that all too often take themselves too seriously. Welcome back, Ron and Ricky. You’ve paid your debts to society. May you continue to make us cringe, sigh and laugh all at once.

This Just In: Opening Night Observations

With the arrival of the NBA season, we’re starting a new segment. It won’t be exclusive to hoops, but the league’s new campaign gives us an excuse to trot it out. “This Just In” will bring you a night’s worth of thoughts in the ever-exciting and easy-to-read point form. Let’s get things rolling on our observations from the NBA’s real opening night.

==> Washington and Indiana played five quarters and earned Game of the Night status in this corner of the ’sphere. Considering Jermaine O’Neal and Troy Murphy were out of action for the Pacers, this one was closer than anyone expected. Gilbert “Agent Zero” Arenas picked up where he left off last season, nailing a three at the buzzer to send the game into overtime (it was the only trifecta he hit on eight attempts, but he’ll take it). Danny Granger, Mike Dunleavy, Jamaal Tinsley (who came close to a triple-double) and the gang pulled away in the extra period on home court. Talk about a statement by a Pacers team many had already written off.

==> Defensively, Jason Kapono played Philadelphia like a glove tonight. UCLA’s third all-time leading scorer can do more than hit threes. Anyone who thought he was a one-trick pony should take notice. Oh, and he made the decisive basket for Toronto. Ho-hum.

==> Sixers power forward Reggie Evans grabbed 15 rebounds in the aforementioned Toronto/Philadelphia game. This just in: the Raptors need to get better on the glass. Of course, it will be ignored for now, thanks to the 106-97 Toronto win.

==> Think Antawn Jamison was happy he didn’t have to battle with O’Neal? Here’s the evidence: 27 points, 16 rebounds, 3 3-pointers, 3 assists, a steal and a block. Arenas’ 38 point, 8 rebound, 3 assist night was what we’ve come to expect from the NBA’s resident class clown. You know what? I’m giving him a new nickname right here and now. David Stern, meet “The Producer”.

==> Bobby Simmons (yes, Bobby Simmons) picked up 18 points on 7-for-11 shooting in just 24 minutes for Milwaukee in their loss to Orlando. Could he be primed for a bounce-back year? It won’t be hard, given his negligible contributions last season.

==> Michael Buffer kicked off the Spurs/Grizzlies affair with his trademark phrase. Feel like having Buffer as your wedding emcee? It’ll cost you…$50,000 to be exact. So how was the game? Give Marc Iavaroni’s club credit. They hung with San Antonio until the game’s final seconds as Damon Stoudamire knocked down a three with 3.5 remaining. The Grizz came up juuuust short though in their upset bid, as the proven winners from San Antonio all but gave a clinic on how to close out a game, winning 104-101.

==> Should we call them the Big Four? Err…not quite. New Jersey’s Antoine “If Loving You Is Wrong, I Don’t Want to Be” Wright helped out with 21 points in 27 minutes in the Nets’ overtime loss to Chicago. Calm down, people. He hasn’t shown enough consistency to warrant a waiver pick-up. It was one game. That being said, Lawrence Frank’s club needs more than their three marquee contracts to contribute on a nightly basis.

==> Great to see P.J. Carlesimo back in a head coaching position in the NBA. The Sonics have a lot of question marks (including the possibility of relocation), but his return is well deserved.

==> So is this the same Cleveland team that made the NBA Finals last year? I guess they were a bit hungover tonight, losing by 18 in their home opener to the Dallas Mavericks. The Cavs shot a measly 36 percent from the field against a less than formidable Dallas defense. LeBron James really struggled, going 2-for-11 from the floor, getting 6 of his 10 points from the free-throw line and failing to register a point by half-time for the first time in his career. Should we be worried? Let’s give it a few games before we hit the big, red button.

==> Stephen A. Smith makes us want to turn off the TV and read a book. Also, I’m pretty sure the “A” stands for something you wouldn’t say in front of the kids.

==> Hubie Brown said something obvious, yet worthwhile. “They’re playing with heart right now,” uttered the veteran broadcaster, after a sequence in which we saw the Sonics reject a shot, run the floor and finish the fast break with a thunderous dunk. The three technical fouls in the first half were also a good indication that Hubie was on to something. Remember this was a road game, with four key additions still getting accustomed to one another. Kevin Durant’s first half of NBA action was a bit of a dud (3-for-14, 1-for-5 from 3-point range) but he did finish with 9 points, 5 boards and 3 steals in the first 24 minutes. More importantly, though, we saw flashes of what could make him an unstoppable force very soon.

==> We’d like to extend our deepest sympathies to all the Randy Foye owners out there in Fantasy Land. We feel your pain. Sure, Mike Bibby and others received worse news this past week, but at least we know what their fate will be. “Indefinite” and “lingering” have to be two of the most frustrating words in the fantasy sports lexicon, along with “platoon” and “bye”.

That’s it for now. As a sign at Air Canada Centre read tonight, may the Ford be with you.

Open the Door, Get on the Floor, Everybody Walk the Dinosaur

The leaves are turning. The temperature’s plummeting. Tim Donaghy jokes are more common than court-side entourages. These clues can only mean one thing:

The Raptors are back.

Granted, it’s still the pre-season. And yes, there’s a cloud of uncertainty following Chris Bosh around these days. But the fever that captivated a city last spring has been reignited with less than two weeks remaining until opening night, and it’s about time.

It’s about time a city that has such a complicated relationship with the other MLSE-owned franchise felt unconditional passion for a team that’s easy to get excited about. The biggest difference between the A.C.C. brethren? Leafs fans spend their waking hours praying John Ferguson, Jr. doesn’t give them another reason to disown the team they’ve supported since childhood. Raptors fans support almost every move made by two-time NBA Executive of the Year Bryan Colangelo. Can you blame them? Almost every move he’s made has paid serious dividends.

The Raptors will not win the NBA title. The Raptors will not have enough cap space to make a splash at the trade deadline. But one thing they’ll do (regardless of the final outcome) is offer hope. That’s something that’s about as scarce on the Toronto sports landscape as water in the Sahara.

Now, you might have conveniently forgotten this little tidbit, but not too long ago, the Dinos were a franchise in disarray. Kevin O’Neill, Rafer Alston, Rob Babcock and Rafael Araujo (among others) turned Canada’s lone basketball club into a perennial disappointment. It once seemed as though the scar left by the aftermath of the Vince Carter era would never fully heal. But then, a miracle fell into the lap of MLSE’s basketball wing. The saviour paraded into town and continued his already impressive legacy. Suddenly, it was cool to love the Toronto Raptors again.

In the grand scheme of things, it’s not inaccurate to say that the transformation happened overnight. But now that it has, the expectations have been raised. We all know how this city operates. Give them a taste of success, and they want—no, need–it from that moment on. The Toronto sports fan is a notorious front-runner (don’t be fooled by the sellout crowds at Leafs’ games…their Bay Street suits get lost in the more colourful sea of jerseys and paint). But despite the overwhelming expectations entering this year and the stubborn belief that it can only get better, you get the feeling that no matter the result, Raptors fans will be fine.

Whether they play in the Eastern Conference Finals or lose to Chicago in the second round, the city has embraced them. Like the O’Jays once sang, people in this city are riding the love train. This in a city that lambastes a Maple Leafs’ defenseman for a bonehead mistake in the eighth game of the season. Fast forward to November 16 (yes, the eighth game of the Raptors’ schedule). Final play of the game. Toronto leads Indiana by 3. Jason Kapono (with a contract similar to that defenseman) fouls Troy Murphy from beyond the arc and Murphy makes the shot and the free throw for the four-point play that decides the game.

How long does the fallout last?

Do we hear “Trade Kapono” campaigns for almost a week after the mistake?

Does anyone question the four-year, $24 million deal signed by Kapono in the off-season?

I hope my point is being made here. There is an element of trust with this edition of the Raptors that we simply have never seen before. Colangelo could start a cult (hasn’t he already?) and he’d have a GTA-sized group of followers. But they’re not sheep. They’re not naive.

They trust him.

Ferguson, take note. There is someone not too far from your office who might be able to teach you a thing or two. You guys have something in common. You both had to rise out of the shadow of your well respected father and create your own legacy. You’ve both done it, but on opposite sides of the spectrum.

You know, John, it wouldn’t hurt to make friends with Bryan. You might learn something.

“Who’s NOT?” Final Four and Championship Results

With fans and readers clammoring for any minute tidbit of information regarding the results of the first annual “Who’s NOT?” championship, the jury was under an immense amount of pressure. But the disgraced former athletes of years past came through in the clutch, casting the votes that have now determined once and for all who is the most loathed figure in the sports world. The envelopes were heavily guarded and the lips were all but surgically sealed, and here we are. It is time, ladies and gentlemen, for…

Fine. I’ll just tell you who won.

(2) Barry Bonds vs. (3) Adam “Pacman” Jones

Neither of these truly abhored athletes were anywhere close to the headlines in the past week, although the mercurial slugger was mentioned in waiver/trade discussions. After an eventful summer, Jones completely fell off the radar and the NFL has avoided him like the plague as their season approaches. For good reason. While Bonds is periodically sitting out of games, at least he is playing. As a result, he’s still (at least faintly) in the public’s consciousness. Pacman is about as relevant as Mrs. Pac-Man right now. What’s that? She’s making a comeback?

Your semi-final winner: Bonds.

(1) Michael Vick vs. (5) Tim Donaghy

With the news of Vick’s guilty plea buzzing around the sports world and the general news world alike, he was the odds-on favourite to advance here. The number-one seed illicited such a passionate negative reaction from the public that Donaghy’s indiscretions were dwarfed in the process. Sure, no one in NBA circles has forgotten about the disastrous scandal he thrust upon the league, but with training camp a month away and Vick serving as Public Enemy Number One, this one was over before it began. Give Donaghy credit, as he rode the cottails of a shocking, unravelling news story to the semi-finals of this unpopularity contest. After being handed a low seed by the selection committee (considering the magnitude of his story), Donaghy felt shafted and tried hard to bribe his way to a higher ranking. To no avail. He proved a point, that he deserved to be hated more than he initially was. But then he ran into the incomparably detested former Falcons’ quarterback, and there was simply no stopping Vick.

Your semi-final winner: Vick.

So, fitttingly, the 2007 “Who’s NOT?” championship game pitted the top two tournament seeds. We expected them to be here, and they delivered. An accused steroid user versus an accused dogfight conspirator. It was going to be a battle to end all battles. But it wasn’t.

Vick was the overwhelming favourite. After all, people had seen so much coverage of the investigation surrounding him that they were getting sick of it. Sick of a man who, many would argue, brought an excitement and bewilderment level to the game that had not been seen since the heydays of Gale Sayers or Jerry Rice. He brought in non-football fans like only a few have done before, but it would all come crashing down. He went from football hero to societal villain virtually overnight (unless you count giving the finger to fans after the loss to New Orleans last year, which was perhaps the act of a frustrated, scared man who could sense what was coming).

What did we learn from the public Vick backlash? People love dogs. More than human beings. The most interesting thing we learned though, was that most people felt they needed to react with outrage towards him out of fear that any shred of sympathy would label them as evil, animal haters. People in both the media and the general public felt they had to react angrily towards this case because they were scared that their co-workers and friends would consider them to be horrible people otherwise. Of course what he did was absolutely dispicable and utterly deplorable. But this triggered a violent outcry because people were afraid of saying nothing and being labelled as sympathetic to his cause.

Oh, right. The contest.

Your tournament champion: Vick.

“Who’s NOT?” Round Three: The Elite Eight.

The wait is over. The results of the first two rounds of our “Who’s NOT?” competition are in, and it’s time to find out who has qualified for Round Three. Who has inched one step closer to being the most unpopular entity in sports? Without further ado, let’s break it down:

(1) Michael Vick vs. (9) Bud Selig

Your winner: Vick.

The tournament’s top seed has been in the news consistently since this bracket began, and he has now ended all hope for a Selig-Bonds championship final. Vick is more deserving of a Final Four berth than Selig, as he has been a water cooler staple for much of the summer since the investigation into the dogfighting ring he allegedly took part in was made public. The one-time NFL posterboy is negotiating a plea agreement through his legal team which they hope will reduce his punishment and perhaps even allow him to play football this season, as he has not yet been suspended by commissioner Roger Goodell. The bottom line here? Vick is now a fixture in the news for all the wrong reasons. Selig just announced he will not penalize Jason Giambi for the latter’s admission that he knowingly took steroids, but Vick is simply more loathed right now. Both are in hot water for poor decision-making, but Vick’s image is currently in much worse shape.

(2) Barry Bonds vs. (7) Terrell Owens

Your winner: Bonds.

Owens has been quieter than a mute librarian this off-season, prompting many to wonder if he has actually been abducted and replaced by a docile alien host. Sure, he hated playing for Bill Parcells, a fact he made abundantly clear. But you’d think he would stir the training camp pot just a little. No? Sorry, Terrell. Your run at ultimate hatred ends here. Bonds, you might recall, polarized the baseball world recently by breaking the hallowed all-time homerun mark (you want an asterisk? How about denial? No one wants to touch its legitimacy, at least not in the immediate aftermath). While it might be a touchy subject, one thing is clear. The majority of “sports nation”, if you will, does not favour Barry Bonds. And that’s putting it nicely.

(3) Adam “Pacman” Jones vs. (11) Maple Leaf Sports and Entertainment

Your winner: Jones.

The Human Handful (make that double handful if you’re counting arrests) has done it again and ended MLSE’s dream of being this tournament’s George Mason. Yes, Mr. Jones has been a topic of conversation in the sports world of late because of his forray into the wrestling arena. Well, not exactly, thanks to a quick veto from his NFL employer. When he realized the Titans weren’t going to let him put himself in danger of getting hurt (a.k.a. living his everyday life), he decided it would be better to just talk about it. Or, more accurately, rap about it. This guy is incapable of restoring his image, despite his desperate attempts. All he has to do is serve his time and try to be a respectable human being. We all know that’s not going to happen, which is why he is moving on to the semi-finals.

(4) Mike Tyson vs. (5) Tim Donaghy

Your winner: Donaghy.

Tyson entered this event with a ranking that was, in all honesty, higher than many would have expected. As the Donaghy story unravelled (and continues to do so), it became apparent that he would be the giant-killer and Cinderella entry in the field. The latest news that he has now plead guilty to two felony charges gives him a relatively easy win over Tyson, who hasn’t been heard from in months. People are genuinely angry and shocked at Donaghy, and boxing’s most tragic and unfortunate figure has gotten lost in the shuffle. He’s now completely out of the limelight, which might be the best thing for him. As for Donaghy, his fate has only begun to spiral downward. He’s on his way to further shame and is one of the four remaining figures in the first annual “Who’s NOT?” tournament.

So, there’s your Final Four. It’s a competitive group (of disliked personalities, of course). We’re in for a classic showdown of the worst characters the sports world has to offer. Will Jones challenge Bonds to a wrestling match? Will Donaghy alter the outcome of his semi-final tilt with Michael Vick? You’ll just have to tune in to find out.

A League at the Crossroads: Welcome to the 2007 NBA Finals

I wasn’t going to weigh in on this for another day or two, but after checking out the always entertaining thoughts provided by Dave Ling over at The Vortex, I couldn’t resist. Ling made a bold prediction and took the feel-good Cavs in six games. You can’t blame him for coming down with a case of LeBronitis, the fever that has now gripped (almost) everyone in NBA circles. As usual, I have to be the bad guy and give everyone a dose of reality. Let’s just get this out of the way before we get to the goods: San Antonio is winning this series, whether you like it or not (and clearly, not many people do).

Predictions aside though, this series represents many things for the NBA. For one, it’s the classic meeting of the old and the new. It signals the arrival of the league’s new ambassador and may usher in a new era regardless of the outcome (really?). Actually, it’s eerily similar to the 1991 Finals. Follow me on the parallels here. In ‘91, the Chicago Bulls, an up-and-coming team led by a dominant, young star defeated the Los Angeles Lakers (the old guard, thanks to three titles and five Finals appearances in seven years). The Bulls reached new heights with their Michael Jordan-fueled title win and never looked back, joining the NBA’s legendary dynasties. The Lakers were fading and it was the dawn of a new era. Well, in 2007, we have much the same scenario. Now that we’ve put it in context, it’s time for a reality check.

Don’t get me wrong. Cleveland is a great story. “King” LeBron James has officially been sworn in. Daniel Gibson is now an instant household name. Zydrunas Ilgauskas is playing the best basketball of his career. Anderson Varejao is the spark that every successful team needs. The future looks tremendously bright for the wine-and-gold.

But these are the Spurs. As a former ESPN.com Fantasy Basketball correspondent for the Cavaliers, you’d think I would be driving the bandwagon. Guess again. Are we forgetting San Antonio won three titles in seven years? Sure, they’re about as exciting as Al Gore. Sure, their franchise player (and the league’s former Most Valuable Player…remember?) is past his prime and shows emotion about as often as a guard at Buckingham Palace. Sure, their system lulls you to sleep faster than a Thanksgiving dinner. But there are three things that always make the difference in the NBA:

1. Home court. San Antonio was nearly unbeatable at home, while the Cavaliers were a .500 team on the road. The Spurs don’t care where they play (as evidenced by their 27-14 record on the road in the regular season).

2. Depth. Look at the rosters, one through twelve. No need to say anything else here.

3. Experience. Cleveland is feeling the love right now, as they should be. Enjoy it, guys. Soak it all in. But when that ball is thrown up for the tip-off of Game One, that all goes out the window. LeBron has the drive (now, anyway…this is the same player who slept through this season’s first half) and the take-over ability, but his team is too young and inexperienced. I’ll be keeping a deer-in-the-headlights count to see just how many looks of utter dismay we’ll see from the Finals newcomers.

Look, we’d all love to see the Cavs pull this out. I would actually enjoy being wrong, for the sake of the league’s present and future. But let’s look at the big picture. LeBron will get his title. He has already willed this team to the brink of bedlam, but, if you look at the history books, The Team of Destiny always needs a few near-misses before it breaks through. They need that bitter taste in their mouths and that glimpse of what could be. The 2006 Eastern Conference Semifinal loss to Detroit in seven games left the bitter taste, and this Finals appearance will be their glimpse of the NBA’s largest stage. Right now, if you look at the city’s reaction, you’d think they won the championship. Case in point: the conference title trophy presentation. This club is just happy to be in the Finals. Yes, a win would catapult the franchise into the stratosphere. But be patient. This will be the last breath of a dying sage. The last hoorah for a world-class organization. These Spurs are riding off into the sunset. As for Cleveland? Well, the sky’s the limit.

Pump Up the Jam: A Tribute to Music in Sports

Last week, I had an idea. My thought process went something like this:

“I should write about changes I would make as commissioner of the NBA.”

Turns out it was great. [Scroll down a bit to read it.] But the last change I recommended (“cut the music during gameplay”) went a tad overboard. In case it was unclear, what I actually meant to propose was getting rid of the remixes of Top 40 songs during game action, not the accompanying tunes which augment and enhance the in-game experience so well. Music has always had a place in the sports world, and the coupling of jams and jocks has been a (mostly) successful marriage for decades.

So in light of this little misunderstanding, I thought I would make up for it by expressing my love for sports music in a little tribute. Here are some of the most memorable examples of music used at sporting events since the first instruments and PA systems were permitted in stadiums across the land. They aren’t ranked, because it’s an apples-and-oranges kind of thing. Different leagues, eras and contexts. Let’s get to the tunes. Enjoy.

“The Brass Bonanza” (Hartford Whalers, WHA, NHL). If you ever played NHLPA Hockey ‘93 for the Super Nintendo or Sega Genesis, you know this tune. I had this one stuck in my head for days on end back then and after listening to it again on the official “Brass Bonanza” website, the memories have been rekindled. There’s even an extended version for those hardcore Bonanza buffs. The big band sound was sorely lacking in NHL arenas until Jack Say’s gem came along, and thanks to the internet, it doesn’t have to go away.

“Take Me Out to the Ballgame”. No trip to the ballpark is complete without the time honoured seventh-inning stretch, and Jack Norworth’s 1908 composition still rings out to this day. The song has been covered by numerous bands and artists (Vince Guaraldi for the Peanuts gang, Jacqueline Schwab and Dr. John for the Ken Burns series, King Curtis and of course the parade of celebrities at Wrigley Field) but its most appealing quality is the fact that it encourages fan participation. I still remember the first time I sang it at a Major League game.

“Roundball Rock”, the NBA on NBC theme song. Just thinking about it sends shivers down your spine. Admit it. We’re all ashamed to love this tune (because it’s written by John Tesh) but it’s just too good. Watch this clip and tell me you don’t have visions of Knicks/Pacers, Bulls/Jazz or Lakers/Blazers:

I would venture as far as to say this could be the greatest non-hockey sports television theme ever. ABC elected not to buy the rights to the tune when they took over the national weekly NBA broadcasts, and nothing they have tried has come close to getting us on the edge of our seats the way “Roundball Rock” did so often. It even made its way into pop culture, when Tesh was a guest on Late Night with Conan O’Brien:

“The Super Bowl Shuffle” (1985 Chicago Bears). It was cheesy. It was contrived. It was a bunch of tone-deaf athletes making fools of themselves. But it was a glimpse at the lighter side of an intensely focused, Mike Ditka-coached machine. Give me a thousand reasons why this song/video was terrible, and I’ll give you the very same thousand for why it was tremendous. Watch it and try not to lose it when you hear the legend, Walter Payton say, “They call me ‘Sweetness’ and I like to dance/Running the ball is like makin’ romance.”

You can’t possibly keep a straight face watching punter Maury Buford (#8) playing the cowbell. It’s just not possible.

“Sweet Georgia Brown”, the Harlem Globetrotters theme. Truly a classic, this Brother Bones tune would join “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” as the first inductees into the Sports Music Hall of Fame (if such a place existed). The song’s appeal lies in its playfulness, simplicity and care-free whistling. Everyone has a Globetrotters story, and their song, like the team itself, has endured for decades.

“Gonna Fly Now” (The Rocky films). Bill Conti composed the track for the 1976 Best Picture award-winning “Rocky”, and never let us forget the title character’s rise to the top of those steps in Philadelphia (and his figurative rise to the top of the boxing world). DeEtta Little and Nelson Pigford supplied those chilling background vocals while the underdog trained mercilessly. The now famous scene, of course, climaxes with Rocky ascending the Philadelphia Museum of Art and raising his arms in victory (like I had to tell you that). This is an example of the perfect marriage between music and sports, but it’s more than that. It’s a milestone in cinematic scoring, and a truly inspiring moment we’ll never forget.

The “Hockey Night in Canada” theme. Known simply as “The Hockey Theme”, it was written by Dolores Claman (of “Ontari-ari-o” fame) in 1968. Start playing this song and I guarantee vivid childhood memories of late nights, ponds, and playoffs will start to flow. Every Canadian (every true Canadian, anyway) can hum or whistle the tune, and many have called it the nation’s “other” national anthem. Whether you’re from the Foster Hewitt or Bob Cole eras, you can’t say anything bad about this song in a crowd and expect to survive. It is beloved not only because it brings us back to those great games and memories of the past, but also because it continues to take us to new heights every time we hear it.

Those are just a few legendary musical contributions to the sports world. There are many more, and here’s hoping you thought of a few while reading this. Until next time, keep humming, whistling and singing along.