This Just In: Opening Night Observations

With the arrival of the NBA season, we’re starting a new segment. It won’t be exclusive to hoops, but the league’s new campaign gives us an excuse to trot it out. “This Just In” will bring you a night’s worth of thoughts in the ever-exciting and easy-to-read point form. Let’s get things rolling on our observations from the NBA’s real opening night.

==> Washington and Indiana played five quarters and earned Game of the Night status in this corner of the ’sphere. Considering Jermaine O’Neal and Troy Murphy were out of action for the Pacers, this one was closer than anyone expected. Gilbert “Agent Zero” Arenas picked up where he left off last season, nailing a three at the buzzer to send the game into overtime (it was the only trifecta he hit on eight attempts, but he’ll take it). Danny Granger, Mike Dunleavy, Jamaal Tinsley (who came close to a triple-double) and the gang pulled away in the extra period on home court. Talk about a statement by a Pacers team many had already written off.

==> Defensively, Jason Kapono played Philadelphia like a glove tonight. UCLA’s third all-time leading scorer can do more than hit threes. Anyone who thought he was a one-trick pony should take notice. Oh, and he made the decisive basket for Toronto. Ho-hum.

==> Sixers power forward Reggie Evans grabbed 15 rebounds in the aforementioned Toronto/Philadelphia game. This just in: the Raptors need to get better on the glass. Of course, it will be ignored for now, thanks to the 106-97 Toronto win.

==> Think Antawn Jamison was happy he didn’t have to battle with O’Neal? Here’s the evidence: 27 points, 16 rebounds, 3 3-pointers, 3 assists, a steal and a block. Arenas’ 38 point, 8 rebound, 3 assist night was what we’ve come to expect from the NBA’s resident class clown. You know what? I’m giving him a new nickname right here and now. David Stern, meet “The Producer”.

==> Bobby Simmons (yes, Bobby Simmons) picked up 18 points on 7-for-11 shooting in just 24 minutes for Milwaukee in their loss to Orlando. Could he be primed for a bounce-back year? It won’t be hard, given his negligible contributions last season.

==> Michael Buffer kicked off the Spurs/Grizzlies affair with his trademark phrase. Feel like having Buffer as your wedding emcee? It’ll cost you…$50,000 to be exact. So how was the game? Give Marc Iavaroni’s club credit. They hung with San Antonio until the game’s final seconds as Damon Stoudamire knocked down a three with 3.5 remaining. The Grizz came up juuuust short though in their upset bid, as the proven winners from San Antonio all but gave a clinic on how to close out a game, winning 104-101.

==> Should we call them the Big Four? Err…not quite. New Jersey’s Antoine “If Loving You Is Wrong, I Don’t Want to Be” Wright helped out with 21 points in 27 minutes in the Nets’ overtime loss to Chicago. Calm down, people. He hasn’t shown enough consistency to warrant a waiver pick-up. It was one game. That being said, Lawrence Frank’s club needs more than their three marquee contracts to contribute on a nightly basis.

==> Great to see P.J. Carlesimo back in a head coaching position in the NBA. The Sonics have a lot of question marks (including the possibility of relocation), but his return is well deserved.

==> So is this the same Cleveland team that made the NBA Finals last year? I guess they were a bit hungover tonight, losing by 18 in their home opener to the Dallas Mavericks. The Cavs shot a measly 36 percent from the field against a less than formidable Dallas defense. LeBron James really struggled, going 2-for-11 from the floor, getting 6 of his 10 points from the free-throw line and failing to register a point by half-time for the first time in his career. Should we be worried? Let’s give it a few games before we hit the big, red button.

==> Stephen A. Smith makes us want to turn off the TV and read a book. Also, I’m pretty sure the “A” stands for something you wouldn’t say in front of the kids.

==> Hubie Brown said something obvious, yet worthwhile. “They’re playing with heart right now,” uttered the veteran broadcaster, after a sequence in which we saw the Sonics reject a shot, run the floor and finish the fast break with a thunderous dunk. The three technical fouls in the first half were also a good indication that Hubie was on to something. Remember this was a road game, with four key additions still getting accustomed to one another. Kevin Durant’s first half of NBA action was a bit of a dud (3-for-14, 1-for-5 from 3-point range) but he did finish with 9 points, 5 boards and 3 steals in the first 24 minutes. More importantly, though, we saw flashes of what could make him an unstoppable force very soon.

==> We’d like to extend our deepest sympathies to all the Randy Foye owners out there in Fantasy Land. We feel your pain. Sure, Mike Bibby and others received worse news this past week, but at least we know what their fate will be. “Indefinite” and “lingering” have to be two of the most frustrating words in the fantasy sports lexicon, along with “platoon” and “bye”.

That’s it for now. As a sign at Air Canada Centre read tonight, may the Ford be with you.

A Double Dose of the Incredible

We interrupt the thrilling “Who’s NOT?” championship to bring you a couple of bizarre yet remarkable achievements.

You may have heard about Mike Flynt. If not, it’s worth mentioning. The 59 year-old Flynt made (inter)national headlines this week for earning a spot on Division III Sul Ross State’s football roster, 37 years after being kicked out of school and off the team. If Rick Ankiel is the best example of redemption we’ve seen this summer, Flynt’s story has to be a close second. Sure, he hasn’t done anything in game action yet, but the mere act of qualifying for the squad has sent thousands of middle-aged men off to the gym to renew their long-expired memberships.

Some might argue that it’s just a lame attempt at getting a cash-strapped school some national exposure. But P.R. tactics aside, it’s a script right out of Hollywood. Don’t believe me? Read it for yourself and check out his story. Unbelievable stuff. Besides, it’s not about whether Flynt stars or even starts. It’s about the fact that a guy with six years to go until social security kicks in is giving it the old college try.

Now, on to the second item. By now, you’ve probably seen the highlights of tonight’s game between the Texas Rangers and Baltimore Orioles. Texas amassed (really, there’s no better way to describe it) a grand total (okay, that’s not bad) of thirty runs this evening. Thirty. Let’s take a moment and put that in perspective. No team in major league history had done this since 1897. That’s 110 years. Yes, over a century. The previous 30-run barrage took place six years BEFORE the first World Series.

There are two sad yet hilarious tidbits to take from this historic night in Maryland. One was the fact that the home team actually led 3-0 before the floodgates opened and the Rangers etched themselves permanently in baseball lore. For game recaps, MLB.com generally lays out the stories of each club side by side to provide a balanced view. Tonight, there was a stark contrast in spin from the beat writers of the two sides. Texas’ headline predictably read, “Rangers break record”. Baltimore’s was as follows:

“Pen falls apart in sixth”.

Ladies and gentlemen, your 2007 Understatement of the Year.

Straight from the “You Have GOT to be Kidding Me” department comes the other bit of tragic comedy we saw tonight. It was, of course, the incredibly unlikely fact that this game was the first of a double-header. That’s right. Minutes after the legendary onslaught was finally brought to an end, the two clubs trotted out and played another one. One can only imagine how demoralizing it must have been to start (let alone finish) another game after the biggest humiliation since the year Walter Winchill was born. If Michael Young had shouted Ernie Banks’ old line, “Let’s play two!” anywhere in the vicinity of the Baltimore dugout, he might have been instantly mauled by the entire Orioles’ bench. There was no shortage of cruel irony on this unforgettable night.

These two stories were enough to bump the “Who’s NOT?” Final Four results, but only temporarily. The jury is nearly done deliberating and the winners will be announced within the next 48 hours. Keep it here to find out who is moving on and who is not quite bad enough. But while you’re eagerly anticipating the announcement, take a second to sit back and reflect on these two remarkable stories. Let the numbers 59 and 30 sink in. You might never see them in this context again.

Check the Ticker…With One Eye Covered

I love the ticker. I hate the ticker. I love the ticker. I hate the ticker.

Every sports fan knows the agony, joy and temptation caused by that single line at the bottom of their television screen. Chances are you’ve developed a love/hate relationship with it. For me, every ticker memory I have falls into one of three categories:

The Broken Elevator Cable: You miss that all-important game and are so worried about a season-ending defeat that you start to get butterflies in your stomach. You burst into the room and flick on the tube. Then comes the calm before the storm, as you sit there, tapping your foot nervously while the scores roll around. Finally, the elevator cable snaps as your game flashes on the screen.

Them 6
Us 5

You feel guilty about missing such a critical game, even it was for your cousin’s wedding (or, of course, the standard family dinner that your parents convince you to attend because “you won’t see your relatives for a long time after this…until next weekend.”) Soon, the guilt leaves and you’re left searching frantically for the highlights and an answer to the question, “How the hell did that happen?”

But finding them just makes it worse. [I've come to realize that actually watching the game and losing is much better than missing it, catching a few clips and sound bytes and wondering what happened in between.] The cable car plummets further down the shaft and then hits rock bottom as it suddenly dawns on you: either a. the season is over, b. your team now faces an insurmountable deficit, or c. although you rarely bet, you decided this one time to place a large sum on the game thinking it was a mortal lock and you just lost it all.

The Non-Sexual Happy Ending: You debated all night between your best friend’s birthday bash and the most important game of the season before finally deciding to head out for the night. The bars you hit up don’t have televisions and if they do, they’re showing a movie on TBS or MuchMusic videos. You stumble home, burst in the door (knocking over at least one plant along the way) and collapse on your bed, ready to pass out. You’re all but unconscious when it hits you.

“OH MY GOD, THE GAME!”

The TV flicks on and you scan the sports channels to see who still has a ticker going at 4 a.m. [Remember, this includes memories from before the internet era when scores were less instantaneous, and also before the all-night-and-all-morning highlight show era.] You’re seeing double, but you’re seeing the scores, and that’s all that counts. After a few minutes, you can feel it coming and it gets to your sport. Then, it flashes on screen.

“WE WON! WE F&@#ING WON!”

Call me lame, call me a loser, call me whatever you want. But I will use this opportunity to admit that I have Kool and the Gang’s “Celebration” on my computer for times like this. You just can’t duplicate the moment, and hearing the song takes me back to every other time it happened and the euphoria experienced in those early morning hours, half-drunk, fist-pumping and yelling without anyone in ear shot. There’s a small tinge of “I should have been a better fan and stayed home for this,” but the sheer joy of the result (and the alcohol left flowing through your veins) drowns it out. When the evening began, you had a dilemma. In the end, you had a great night of bonding with your buddies AND your team pulled out the crucial victory. It doesn’t get any sweeter.

The Hiroshima: The previous two are caused by scores of games you know are coming. With this one, though, there is no way to prepare. It can happen any time, and it will. Sooner or later, and without warning, the bomb will drop. Examples of the Hiroshima include: blockbuster trades, arrests, positive drug tests, injury diagnoses, free agent signings, motorcycle accidents, hirings, firings, milestones and broken records.

If we could catch every important game, we would. But the reality is, we have lives and things will inevitably come up. When they do, the ticker will be right there to keep us on the edge of our seat. Or, it will catch us completely off guard. Either way, we’ll keep an eye on it, waiting for that breaking story that changes everything.