“Who’s NOT?” Final Four and Championship Results

With fans and readers clammoring for any minute tidbit of information regarding the results of the first annual “Who’s NOT?” championship, the jury was under an immense amount of pressure. But the disgraced former athletes of years past came through in the clutch, casting the votes that have now determined once and for all who is the most loathed figure in the sports world. The envelopes were heavily guarded and the lips were all but surgically sealed, and here we are. It is time, ladies and gentlemen, for…

Fine. I’ll just tell you who won.

(2) Barry Bonds vs. (3) Adam “Pacman” Jones

Neither of these truly abhored athletes were anywhere close to the headlines in the past week, although the mercurial slugger was mentioned in waiver/trade discussions. After an eventful summer, Jones completely fell off the radar and the NFL has avoided him like the plague as their season approaches. For good reason. While Bonds is periodically sitting out of games, at least he is playing. As a result, he’s still (at least faintly) in the public’s consciousness. Pacman is about as relevant as Mrs. Pac-Man right now. What’s that? She’s making a comeback?

Your semi-final winner: Bonds.

(1) Michael Vick vs. (5) Tim Donaghy

With the news of Vick’s guilty plea buzzing around the sports world and the general news world alike, he was the odds-on favourite to advance here. The number-one seed illicited such a passionate negative reaction from the public that Donaghy’s indiscretions were dwarfed in the process. Sure, no one in NBA circles has forgotten about the disastrous scandal he thrust upon the league, but with training camp a month away and Vick serving as Public Enemy Number One, this one was over before it began. Give Donaghy credit, as he rode the cottails of a shocking, unravelling news story to the semi-finals of this unpopularity contest. After being handed a low seed by the selection committee (considering the magnitude of his story), Donaghy felt shafted and tried hard to bribe his way to a higher ranking. To no avail. He proved a point, that he deserved to be hated more than he initially was. But then he ran into the incomparably detested former Falcons’ quarterback, and there was simply no stopping Vick.

Your semi-final winner: Vick.

So, fitttingly, the 2007 “Who’s NOT?” championship game pitted the top two tournament seeds. We expected them to be here, and they delivered. An accused steroid user versus an accused dogfight conspirator. It was going to be a battle to end all battles. But it wasn’t.

Vick was the overwhelming favourite. After all, people had seen so much coverage of the investigation surrounding him that they were getting sick of it. Sick of a man who, many would argue, brought an excitement and bewilderment level to the game that had not been seen since the heydays of Gale Sayers or Jerry Rice. He brought in non-football fans like only a few have done before, but it would all come crashing down. He went from football hero to societal villain virtually overnight (unless you count giving the finger to fans after the loss to New Orleans last year, which was perhaps the act of a frustrated, scared man who could sense what was coming).

What did we learn from the public Vick backlash? People love dogs. More than human beings. The most interesting thing we learned though, was that most people felt they needed to react with outrage towards him out of fear that any shred of sympathy would label them as evil, animal haters. People in both the media and the general public felt they had to react angrily towards this case because they were scared that their co-workers and friends would consider them to be horrible people otherwise. Of course what he did was absolutely dispicable and utterly deplorable. But this triggered a violent outcry because people were afraid of saying nothing and being labelled as sympathetic to his cause.

Oh, right. The contest.

Your tournament champion: Vick.

“Who’s NOT?” Round Three: The Elite Eight.

The wait is over. The results of the first two rounds of our “Who’s NOT?” competition are in, and it’s time to find out who has qualified for Round Three. Who has inched one step closer to being the most unpopular entity in sports? Without further ado, let’s break it down:

(1) Michael Vick vs. (9) Bud Selig

Your winner: Vick.

The tournament’s top seed has been in the news consistently since this bracket began, and he has now ended all hope for a Selig-Bonds championship final. Vick is more deserving of a Final Four berth than Selig, as he has been a water cooler staple for much of the summer since the investigation into the dogfighting ring he allegedly took part in was made public. The one-time NFL posterboy is negotiating a plea agreement through his legal team which they hope will reduce his punishment and perhaps even allow him to play football this season, as he has not yet been suspended by commissioner Roger Goodell. The bottom line here? Vick is now a fixture in the news for all the wrong reasons. Selig just announced he will not penalize Jason Giambi for the latter’s admission that he knowingly took steroids, but Vick is simply more loathed right now. Both are in hot water for poor decision-making, but Vick’s image is currently in much worse shape.

(2) Barry Bonds vs. (7) Terrell Owens

Your winner: Bonds.

Owens has been quieter than a mute librarian this off-season, prompting many to wonder if he has actually been abducted and replaced by a docile alien host. Sure, he hated playing for Bill Parcells, a fact he made abundantly clear. But you’d think he would stir the training camp pot just a little. No? Sorry, Terrell. Your run at ultimate hatred ends here. Bonds, you might recall, polarized the baseball world recently by breaking the hallowed all-time homerun mark (you want an asterisk? How about denial? No one wants to touch its legitimacy, at least not in the immediate aftermath). While it might be a touchy subject, one thing is clear. The majority of “sports nation”, if you will, does not favour Barry Bonds. And that’s putting it nicely.

(3) Adam “Pacman” Jones vs. (11) Maple Leaf Sports and Entertainment

Your winner: Jones.

The Human Handful (make that double handful if you’re counting arrests) has done it again and ended MLSE’s dream of being this tournament’s George Mason. Yes, Mr. Jones has been a topic of conversation in the sports world of late because of his forray into the wrestling arena. Well, not exactly, thanks to a quick veto from his NFL employer. When he realized the Titans weren’t going to let him put himself in danger of getting hurt (a.k.a. living his everyday life), he decided it would be better to just talk about it. Or, more accurately, rap about it. This guy is incapable of restoring his image, despite his desperate attempts. All he has to do is serve his time and try to be a respectable human being. We all know that’s not going to happen, which is why he is moving on to the semi-finals.

(4) Mike Tyson vs. (5) Tim Donaghy

Your winner: Donaghy.

Tyson entered this event with a ranking that was, in all honesty, higher than many would have expected. As the Donaghy story unravelled (and continues to do so), it became apparent that he would be the giant-killer and Cinderella entry in the field. The latest news that he has now plead guilty to two felony charges gives him a relatively easy win over Tyson, who hasn’t been heard from in months. People are genuinely angry and shocked at Donaghy, and boxing’s most tragic and unfortunate figure has gotten lost in the shuffle. He’s now completely out of the limelight, which might be the best thing for him. As for Donaghy, his fate has only begun to spiral downward. He’s on his way to further shame and is one of the four remaining figures in the first annual “Who’s NOT?” tournament.

So, there’s your Final Four. It’s a competitive group (of disliked personalities, of course). We’re in for a classic showdown of the worst characters the sports world has to offer. Will Jones challenge Bonds to a wrestling match? Will Donaghy alter the outcome of his semi-final tilt with Michael Vick? You’ll just have to tune in to find out.

“Who’s NOT?” Round Two.

After much deliberation, the jury of disgraced former professional athletes has spoken. The battle to become sports’ most unpopular figure is underway, and while sixteen entities entered the competition, only eight remain. Here’s a recap of the first-round matchups and how they played out:

(1) Michael Vick vs. (16) Rick Tocchet

Your winner: Vick. This was hardly a dogfight (pun intended), as one scandal demolished the other. It’s almost as though sports fans and media alike have completely forgotten about ‘Operation Slapshot’. The same, however, can’t be said for Vick, who is now embroiled in a world of problems. The (former?) quarterback will sit out the entire 2007-08 season, has lost his heap of endorsement deals, and faces an uncertain future of either heavy jail time or simply a mauled reputation (pun intended).

(2) Barry Bonds vs. (15) Daunte Culpepper

Your winner: Bonds. Interestingly enough, both of them made news this week. Culpepper found a home with the Oakland Raiders, while Barry-Barry-Quite-Contrary mashed home run number 755 to tie Henry Aaron for the all-time record. Despite Splog contributor Dave Ling’s argument that “at least Barry Bonds is achieving something”, one has to follow that with, “…but is anyone taking him seriously?” While many might be tracking his attempt to taint the game’s history, how many of those people are actually rooting for him? Culpepper’s popularity has risen recently due to his sudden fantasy impact. Bonds is now one step closer to being the ultimate baseball villain. Somewhere, Pete Rose is smiling.

(3) Adam “Pacman” Jones vs. (14) Anna Kournikova

Your winner: Jones. Kournikova is so far removed from the public eye and Jones was so recently in it that this became an easy decision. Sure, Anna was once immensely popular and now isn’t, but she’s fallen off the map completely (sorry, World Team Tennis fans). Like this tournament’s number-one seed, Jones will miss the entire 2007-08 NFL season and his reputation among fans and media has been sullied thanks to the handful–err–two handfuls of incidents he has been booked for.

(4) Mike Tyson vs. (13) The Chilean under-20 national soccer team

Your winner: Tyson. Yes, he’s a tragic figure. Yes, he’s aging and on the decline. But in a head-to-head matchup with Chile’s under-20 soccer squad, he is clearly still the more unpopular of the two. Are we even talking about Chile’s World Cup incident any more? Didn’t think so. There was a chance for an upset here, but Tyson is still more loathed. Sure, ask Toronto police who they’d pick and you might have a different result, but “Iron” Mike’s fall from grace is still relevant and despite his sad decline, he remains the more unpopular choice.

(5) Tim Donaghy vs. (12) Sean Sherk

Your winner? Donaghy. The sharks have started to circle around the former NBA referee, and it’s now only a matter of time before he is brought in and given his punishment. Sherk’s story tagged him with a high dose of unpopularity (much like the high dose of performance-enhancing drugs in his system during the drug test), but it was not nearly enough to overcome the league-shattering crooked ref story. Donaghy’s actions have made him public enemy number one in the NBA, and have opened the floodgates on questions regarding gambling and sports. Fans in Toronto, Phoenix and other cities hurt by Donaghy’s manipulation all agree. It’s Donaghy in a landslide.

(6) Gary Sheffield vs. (11) Maple Leaf Sports and Entertainment

Your winner: MLSE. Ladies and gentlemen, we have our first upset of the bracket. This one sent the judges into overtime, and after hours of heated arguments (Ben Johnson said a few things about the East German swim team that he probably didn’t mean), The Corporation edged out Sheffield by the slimmest of margins. MLSE has repeatedly torn the hearts out of Toronto hockey fans over the last decade, and there is not a more disliked business organization in all of sport, save for the Bay Area Lab Co-operative. Sure, Sheffield is guilty of a few despicable acts and culturally divisive remarks, but we know he’s just craving attention. Plus, he’s a dangerous hitter who has never been linked to drug use. He’s injured right now, so we’re sympathetic. This season, he has managed 23 homeruns, 89 runs scored and a .290 batting average in 101 games. Peddie, Tanenbaum and company have a track record that’s much worse, and a reputation to match.

(7) Terrell Owens vs. (10) Alex Rodriguez

Your winner: Owens. This one came oh-so-close to being our second straight upset, but the favourite was able to eke out the victory in the dying seconds. Here’s the thing about this pairing: both of these guys have mended their reputations considerably in the last few months. Rodriguez has stopped (being caught for) his adulterous ways and on-field antics, instead letting his 500th career home run do the talking. He’s now the youngest ever to reach the feat, and people seem to have forgotten the infamous trip to Toronto earlier this season, along with his status as baseball’s spoiled brat. Owens is interesting because he has become popular for being unpopular. This off-season has been his quietest to date, but with A-Rod basking in positive vibes, T.O. wins this tight first-round affair by a hair.

(8) Kobe Bryant vs. (9) Bud Selig

Your winner: Selig. The 8-9 matchups are always hard to handicap, and this one was no different. Bryant is a loathed NBA star, but his whining and desire to leave the Lakers has apparently died down. Selig, on the other hand, finds himself smack dab in the middle of the headlines as Barry Bonds approaches the all-time home run record. His George Mitchell-led investigation of steroids in the game has not moved quickly enough, and it appears the history books will be tarnished before the FBI makes any more headway in the case. Selig never does what is right for the game, despite what he might tell the public. He does what the public expects him to do, and rides the “crusade against drugs” P.R. wave until it fades back into the ocean of baseball news stories. The problem? It won’t. The other problem? If he really wanted to get drugs out of the game, he would have done it years ago when instead, he looked the other way and watched the money bags roll in.

So there you have it. The round of sixteen is in the books and it’s on to the Elite Eight. Here’s a breakdown of the second-round bracket:

(1) Michael Vick vs. (9) Bud Selig

(2) Barry Bonds vs. (7) Terrell Owens

(3) Adam “Pacman” Jones vs. (11) Maple Leaf Sports and Entertainment

(4) Mike Tyson vs. (5) Tim Donaghy

Be sure to check back next week to find out who will move on to the Final Four. It promises to be an unpopularity contest for the ages.

“Who’s NOT?” Round One.

For those of you who may not be aware, ESPN is currently running a little gimmick they have tabbed “Who’s NOW?”. For all intents and purposes, of course, it’s a glorified popularity contest designed to get fans excited about the hottest athletes in the news today. It’s basically their way of measuring hype, while quietly and simultaneously researching who their fan base craves more.

Thousands of fans have voted thus far, with typically disappointing results. If All-Star Game voting has taught us anything, it’s that fans, as a group, are unreliable. They knocked out a dominant Roger Federer in favour of a pedestrian Tony Parker-Longoria, after all. Don’t try to justify it…you can’t. It boggles the mind. So instead, we invite you to take part in our own version. We’re calling it “Who’s NOT?”, and it’s the exact opposite of ESPN’s contest. The goal of this game is to determine, once and for all, who is the most unpopular athlete, sports figure or organization of the moment. The format is a simple four-round bracket of sixteen. Here are your matchups:

(1) Michael Vick vs. (16) Rick Tocchet

Being involved in a scandal is almost a prerequisite for this tournament, and it just so happens that both of these men have been investigated by the F.B.I. Vick has been dogged (pun intended) by the feds on suspicion of organizing dog fights across state lines. The former poster-boy of the National Football League has a history of run-ins with the law, but his previous indiscretions were nothing like this. If convicted, and it’s all but a certainty given the reported evidence against him, he could serve serious jail time. Not only would it derail a franchise player’s once-promising career, but it has already brought a dark cloud over the entire league, regardless of the outcome. The second-highest paid player in the NFL and endorsement hound (pun intended) is watching it all slip away. His judgement day is Thursday.

Tocchet will appear in court on August 17 after his role in ‘Operation Slapshot’, an illegal gambling ring, was exposed last year. He has pleaded guilty and will look to have his sentence reduced as a result. Sure, the former assistant coach of the Phoenix Coyotes is unpopular now, but was he ever well-liked in the first place?

(2) Barry Bonds vs. (15) Daunte Culpepper

Bonds is just two home runs from tying Henry Aaron’s all-time record of 755, but you wouldn’t know it. Many are choosing to turn a blind eye to his tainted accomplishments. While he has never admitted it publicly, we all know he has been linked to steroid use and other performance-enhancing drugs. His former trainer is locked up for not talking about it, which should be seen as an obvious denial. Also, he’s probably more abrasive to the media than anyone in sports right now; coach, player or otherwise. As Toronto radio host Bob McCown said, “He’s a cheater and a jerk.” No argument here. Don’t forget, he tried to steal the spotlight from the consensus “greatest player of all-time”, Willie Mays, during the latter’s All-Star Game tribute earlier this month. There’s just nothing to like about Barry. He does little to help his own cause.

Daunte Culpepper’s career has resembled one of his passes of late. Both are spiralling downward. The former Minnesota Vikings starter has now fallen out of favour with not one, but two organizations as he has been released by the Miami Dolphins. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Not that Culpepper was ever “mighty”, but he was once considered to be among the elite quarterbacks in the NFL. Two years ago, he set the Vikings all-time record for touchdowns in a season with 39. But after the Dolphins signed veteran Trent Green in June, it was clear they had lost confidence in the oft-injured Culpepper. Numerous knee surgeries later, and after several attempts to trade him have failed, he is now an unrestricted free agent. Will anyone take a flyer on this enigma?

(3) Adam “Pacman” Jones vs. (14) Anna Kournikova

It’s game over for Pacman, after NFL commissioner Roger Godell handed Jones a one-year suspension back in May. Jones loses his entire 2007-08 paycheque as a result, and he must apply for reinstatement to the league, much like the Ricky Williams case. Jones was never a household name for his football prowess, but has instead become widely known as a repeat offender. He has reportedly been involved in ten (count ‘em, ten) incidents which have required police questioning. The most recent of these events took place during the NBA All-Star weekend in Las Vegas, when he was charged with both a felony and misdemeanor after a fight and shooting at a strip club that left a man paralyzed. If there was any doubt about his status as a 3-seed in this bracket, we hope it has now been removed.

Anna Kournikova. You’re thinking, “There’s a name from the past.” Well it really wasn’t too long ago. Anna was once the most downloaded athlete on the planet (although some might argue about the use of the term ‘athlete’) and many became tennis fans overnight just to watch her skid around Wimbledon or sweat it out at Roland Garros. Well, it turns out she was spending a little too much time milking her modeling and endorsement career, because whatever tennis ability she had faded, and with it, so did her spot in the public eye. We still remember those magazine spreads and cameos at NHL games (remember when she had a thing for flashy Russian hockey players?), but we’ll never think of her as an athlete. Perhaps that’s why she belongs on this shameful stage. Hey, at least she’s back in the conversation.

(4) Mike Tyson vs. (13) The Chilean under-20 national soccer team

“Iron” Mike Tyson was once the most feared boxer since Muhammad Ali. He was the youngest ever to win a world heavyweight title belt. Then, he went nuts. The Tyson we know today is a far cry from the young version. A rape conviction, a bloody ear, his 2005 retirement from the pros (which came about seven years too late) and his massive debt accumulation transformed him from a respected fighter into a truly tragic figure. The question is, are we sympathetic to his plight? Sure, he was manipulated by slimeball promoter Don King. But he made a series of poor choices along the way (including associating with King in the first place). It’s hard to feel sorry for Tyson.

Chile’s under-20 national soccer squad was riding high after earning a spot in the World Cup semi-final. After a 3-0 loss to Argentina, though, all hell broke loose. Reports indicated that several members of the team got into it with Argentinian fans and then Toronto police while boarding the bus leaving the stadium. Two photographers from the Canadian Press later confirmed they heard yelling near the bus. What followed might not seem so unusual for the majority of soccer fans (“A soccer riot? How unexpected!”), but Chile’s clash with rival fans and local law enforcement left a black mark on an otherwise successful FIFA tournament in Canada. We can only wonder what the Czech Republic and Argentina have in store for the finale.

(5) Tim Donaghy vs. (12) Sean Sherk

Donaghy has the advantage of being the most recent story of the entire bracket. Only days ago, the New York Post reported that the former National Basketball Association referee allegedly had ties to the Gambino crime family, was himself a gambler with a mountain of debt, and as a result, affected the outcomes of games he officiated. This is absolutely devastating news for the NBA, commissioner David Stern, league director of officiating Ronnie Nunn and fans alike. Officials have been accused of point shaving and manipulating contests for years, but there has never been any evidence. Until now. Sports writers across the continent who have been crying foul about the league’s horrendous officiating are now being vindicated. Donaghy is just one man, and he is suspected of fixing games over just the last two seasons, but this could be the first domino in a lengthy investigation and NBA officials will have to face the music and pay the price.

Ultimate fighting has been gaining popularity, but is still not accepted in the mainstream media as a legitimate sport (or even a legal one in some jurisdictions). Sean Sherk’s positive steroid test following UFC 73 isn’t going to help. Sherk was found to have traced of nandrolone metabolite, a banned substance, in his system following his bout with Hermes Franca on July 7. Sherk was crowned champion of the lightweight division after beating Franca, but now faces a suspension and fine. Worse, though, is the fact that his reputation as a clean fighter is now damaged forever. Franca also tested positive for a banned substance after the fight. However, Sherk was the champion who is now on the outside looking in.

(6) Gary Sheffield vs. (11) Maple Leaf Sports and Entertainment

Sheffield is no stranger to controversy, and the always confrontational outfielder has stirred up trouble three times this season. First, there was the uproar over his remarks about Latin players. In the June issue of GQ magazine, he claimed that black players are less prevalent in baseball now because they are harder to control than Latinos and players of other ethnic backgrounds. Then, there was an on-field incident last month in which he threw a piece of a splintered bat at umpire Greg Gibson, revealing to the Detroit News afterwards that he told Gibson, “Last time I checked, I paid for the bat. I can throw it any way I want.” Finally, and most recently, Sheffield told ESPN’s Andrea Kremer that Joe Torre treated his white and black players differently. Is he just an angry man who craves attention? Or is there a shred of truth in either of his two shocking statements? His on-field actions make it hard to buy into his off-field beliefs.

Bring up Maple Leaf Sports and Entertainment around a Canadian sports fan and you’ll be lucky to avoid injury. The consortium of local businessmen in charge of the Toronto Maple Leafs, Toronto Raptors and their facility (among other properties) have long been loathed by fans across the nation and even those within the Greater Toronto Area. Richard Peddie, Larry Tanenbaum and the gang have repeatedly made moves in the interest of maintaining successful businesses rather than committing to producing winning franchises. From foolishly ridiculous contracts to poor management hiring decisions, the Board has continually let down its fan base and the city of Toronto as a whole. Sure, they have added the expansion Toronto FC to the city’s already vibrant sports scene, and the club has been a remarkable success in its inaugural campaign, but that has nothing to do with ownership. MLSE cares most about the bottom line, and they always will.

(7) Terrell Owens vs. (10) Alex Rodriguez

T.O. would probably be seeded higher if not for a stunningly quiet off-season (by his standards, of course). Sure it’s only late July, and training camp is just getting rolling. But we have yet to hear him call out teammates or coaches in the media, or see him doing reps in his driveway amid a throng of salivating reporters. He always has a flair for the over-dramatic, though, so maybe he’s just planning something huge. You watch him because you never know what he’ll do next. When he’s not being a selfish, loud, cranky clipboard carrier, he’s entertaining. The thing about Owens is, he can be on this list or ESPN’s version and no one will question it.

By now, you probably know about Alex Rodriguez’s trip to Toronto a while back. It didn’t go so well. One “MINE!” and one mysterious unidentified blonde woman later, A-Rod was front page news in tabloids and respected publications across North America. But he was well on his way to being hated before his Yankees pulled into Pearson. His descent towards being abhorred by fans began the day Texas Rangers owner Tom Hicks inked him to a $252 million contract. From that day forward, he had a billing he could not possibly live up to. Sure, he may some day break the all-time home run record and may be headed for Cooperstown, but that contract branded him with pressure that no baseball player in history save for Jackie Robinson could have handled. Now, he’s starting to crack. Off the field, of course. On it, he’s mashing the ball like he has something to prove.

(8) Kobe Bryant vs. (9) Bud Selig

Casual sports fans and neophytes alike know the tale of Kobe Bryant. The way he forced Shaquille O’Neal out of Los Angeles, the way he coaxed Phil Jackson out of retirement and subsequently tainted his legacy, the way he spent his free time in Colorado in between games (isn’t he lucky she dropped the case?) and finally, the way he pouted to a few random fans with a camera about how terrible the current Lakers are. Yes, L.A.’s management has made some bonehead moves, but perhaps the biggest was believing Bryant would carry the franchise on his own. He has become a giant headache, and all of the above actions plus his YouTube-style trade demands make him one of sports most despised athletes.

Bud Selig. Where do we begin? This could be a column in itself, but we’ll try to keep it concise. It’s obvious now that Selig knew about the steroid problem in his game and looked the other way as the dollars were rolling in. We know this for a fact. He is clearly only “fighting” steroid use in baseball to avoid a public relations disaster. He has to appear to be trying to save the game, but the current policy is weak by international standards. He created this monster, didn’t slay it when he had the chance, and now it’s out of control. Selig now has to deal with Bonds, the epitome of his years of ignorance toward banned substances, approaching the most cherished record in baseball. Selig’s boyhood hero growing up in Milwaukee? Hank Aaron. Talk about karma. Selig is getting what he deserves, but it will be at the expense of the game’s history.

This championship will be hotly contested. I’m sure you can already spot a few upsets in the making. Also, there’s no doubt a few notable figures didn’t qualify for the tournament (Floyd Landis lost the play-in game to Tocchet). For a full view of our bracket, click here. Make sure to comment below and have your voice heard. The battle for the most loathsome figure in sports has begun. Who will it be? Come back soon to find out.

Commissioner For a Day: NBA Edition

Congratulations! You’ve just been hired as the new commissioner of the National Basketball Association. Enjoy your spacious new office, the fourteen secretaries and the Rolodex of VIPs. You have been given the power to change the league. What would you do? Here’s my plan:

1. Ammend the infamous coming-off-the-bench rule. Since it’s fresh in everyone’s mind, we might as well start here. Even the most nonchalant sports fans remember where they were on November 19, 2004 when the Pistons/Pacers brawl erupted in Auburn Mills, Michigan. People tend to forget that this melee gave birth to the controversial rule suspending players for one game should they leave the bench while not officially on the floor. The rule itself was a typical over-reaction by the league office as well as a P.R.-motivated move by a league looking to do the right thing. Much like the five-second delay following the Janet Jackson Super Bowl incident, league brass acted quickly and irrationally when instituting this rule, and it shows.

In principle, you can see the validity of it. But in practice, as we saw in Game 4 of the Western Conference Semifinals, it goes too far. Phoenix Suns starters Boris Diaw and Amare Stoudemire simply came to the defense of teammate Steve Nash, who was given a cheap shot by Spurs Robert Horry. Sure, they left the bench. But Tim Duncan did the very same thing and the league didn’t flinch. Bottom line: you cannot suspend a player for walking on to the court. Players walk on to the court constantly and there is a better way to police it.

Suspend players for physical altercations (read: punching other players, shoving officials). Walking on to the court when not officially entered in the game is worthy of a technical foul. A second offense should be an automatic fine and one-game suspension.

2. Goodbye, soft salary cap. Hello, common sense. As it stands now, the NBA has a salary cap system in place, but teams can still exceed the spending limit and pay a luxury tax. So, basically, there is only the illusion of a cap. The only reason a hard cap doesn’t exist right now is that the players’ union, one of the strongest unions in North America, wouldn’t agree to the full system during the last round of negotiations and the league compromised. That’s understandable, but it’s time for a change. Look at the New York Knicks. With an astronomical team payroll of $139 million, they nearly tripled the 2006-07 limit of $53 million. Someone needs to put a lid on the free-spending owners of NBA franchises who crumble in front of player agents and offer the moon rather than risk losing their star. A hard cap will do this. Get rid of the luxury tax altogether and create a salary cap of $60 million for 2007-08. This takes into account a rise in payroll next season (an expected cap of about $55 million) as well as the mid-level exception ($5 million this past year) which allows teams to sign a player even if they’ve exceeded or met the limit. If a team’s transaction takes them over 60.0, it is rejected by the league office. This way, you avoid the heap of ridiculous contracts that have handcuffed so many franchises in the last decade while creating a level playing field and fostering competitive balance around the league. Union boss Billy Hunter would have to be swayed, but we’ll throw him a bone by extending the maximum length of player contracts from six years to seven. Look what the hard cap has done for the NHL. That’s really all the evidence you need.

3. Bring back the real fan. Now that the general managers aren’t worried about making a gazillion dollars in gate revenue to pay for their mistakes, we can lower ticket prices and open our doors once again to the true NBA fans. Escalating salaries had locked out the families, the working class and the lifelong (read: senior) supporters who followed the team in the days before their court was called the TD Banknorth Garden or Quicken Loans Arena. But thanks to change #2, we can now make going to an NBA game affordable again. Sure, there will still be corporate support. It’s absolutely essential. But you will need to dust off your earplugs, because NBA arenas won’t ever again sound like the public library. Good, hard-working people will be able to get great seats and you won’t need to know a suit to sit low on the floor. Welcome back, folks.

4. Cut the music during gameplay. This has to be done out of respect for the game of basketball. We all love music, but it has a time and place, and that is during breaks in the action. Today’s NBA doesn’t need to be about bombarding fans with music, P.A. announcer antics and sound effects. The game should speak for itself. The NHL has it right, as they stop music the second that play resumes. The best NBA cities fan-wise (Oakland, Salt Lake City, Chicago and New York City, to name a few) don’t need to be told when to chant “DEFENSE” or clap to a familiar rhythm. They understand the game and don’t need to be told what to do and when. They just know. A good crowd will rile itself up.

Well, my time as commissioner is coming to a close, but it’s been a great tenure. Here’s hoping these changes give us the league we all deserve.

Great Moments in Televised Radio, Vol. III

Every week, we’ll take a look at the funniest and most poignant moments from Rogers Sportsnet’s simulcast of the FAN 590’s daily dinner time show, Prime Time Sports. When entertaining host Bob McCown and his esteemed co-hosts talk to athletes, coaches, officials and media, you just know it’s going to be memorable. Watching a radio show live on television has never been this fun.

It’s been a while since the last edition of GMTR and there are plenty of gems to get to. Since we don’t have a lot of time or space, let’s get right to it.

A couple weeks ago, word came down that McCown and his producers had found this very space and were routinely checking in. Naturally, I took this as a compliment, and when the host himself took a jab at the blogosphere (and perhaps yours truly), it was only icing on the cake.

Monday, April 16: “There’s nothing stupider than people who blog on the internet,” declared McCown. “I don’t think you want to meet the people who respond to your blogs,” he added. “They haven’t seen the sun in years.”

Now I certainly don’t know McCown personally, but while many might be insulted by these kinds of remarks, I knew they were simply his way of reaching out. Look at the slings and arrows hurled by the host at recurrent guests such as Nick Kypreos (“I’ve got 150,000 turning off right now.”), David Shoalts, Bob Elliott and Al Morganti (we’ll get to that in a second). This writer couldn’t help but feel honoured to join the exclusive company of people chastised by the Bobcat. It’s good to be here.

Wednesday, April 18: After dealing with the issue of head injuries in the NFL and controversial doctor Elliot Pellman, co-host Jim Kelley gives us a parting shot, turning to concussions in the NHL. “Where are the player agents? Where is the PA on this issue? It’s a health and safety issue, not just the league. It has got to come from the outside in. It’s not happening in hockey and at least it appears to be happening now in football.” Bob? “Well, it took the better part of three hours, but you finally said something I agree with.”

Thursday, April 19: Bears linebacker Brian Urlacher has been handed a $100,000 fine for wearing the hat of a non-NFL sponsored sports drink company and drinking the product on Media Day at the most recent Super Bowl. After a lengthy discussion with Sports Illustrated football writer Don Banks, ESPN play-by-play announcer and former FAN 590 employee Dan Shulman drops by and throws McCown a beach ball. “You guys better be careful what you wear now that you’re simulcast,” he jokes. “Don’t wear any competing sponsors on your hats there, Bob.”

Mr. McCown? “Ah, screw it. I’ll wear whatever the hell I want.” Vintage Bobcat.

Friday, April 20: It’s round table time on a spectacularly sunny day in Toronto. This can only mean one thing. The host of the highest-rated sports radio show in the country is taking a day off. There is a silver lining, though, as Mike Toth is called in to pinch hit. Toth has long been my favourite Canadian sports broadcaster because of his refreshing sense of humour and encyclopedic knowledge of sports history. James Deacon, Michael Grange and Jim Kelley are seated around the table.

In the wake of the Sean Hill suspension, Deacon reveals that while working on a story about fighting in hockey several years ago, an NHL enforcer told him he believed that “just about every tough guy that he knew was taking some kind of performance-enhancing drug including steroids.” Unfortunately, as Deacon says, there’s no way to confirm it. It makes you wonder though.

Toth: “I’m not even going to talk about the Vancouver series with Dallas because I don’t want to fall asleep, so forget about it.”

More Toth: “Ottawa did really well against the Pittsburgh Penguins, but, uh, Toronto would have beat Ottawa.”

Deacon: “Aren’t you from out west?”

Toth: “I just had to get that in.”

Wednesday, April 25: More hockey, with regular guest/expert/comedian Al Morganti (for more on the Morganti/McCown comedy team, see the previous edition of this column). Former executive Neil Smith subs for Eric Duhatschek and does a nice job. The panel finishes up the segment by again looking at predictions. “I had the Penguins winning the cup,” admits Morganti. “Yeah, how’s that going?” asks co-host Stephen Brunt. “We might as well get your next choice, so that we know who’s going to get knocked out this round.”

Morganti: “I had Vancouver in the finals, so I’m still alive.”

Brunt: (Sarcastically) “Oh yeah, they’re a lock.”

McCown: “Apparently they don’t have drug testing at your radio station, huh? You were on hallucinogens at that point.”

About five minutes of hockey chatter follows. Then, Morganti laments his choices once more. “I have to pick against the team I picked the win the Cup to go on to the next round,” he says with a laugh. McCown can’t hold back. “That’s weak, man,” he says. The panel chuckles away. “They don’t keep plus-minus on the media,” Morganti quips.

Great Moments in Televised Radio, Vol. II

Every week, we’ll take a look at the funniest and most poignant moments from Rogers Sportsnet’s simulcast of the FAN 590’s daily dinner time show, Prime Time Sports. When incorrigible host Bob McCown and his co-hosts talk to athletes, coaches, officials and media, you just know it’s going to be memorable. Watching a radio show live on television has never been this fun.

When the idea for this piece was first hatched, the plan was to cover a week’s worth of gems in each post. Well, so much for that. After the strength of yesterday’s show (and because a week had elapsed since the first post) , the April 11 program clearly deserved a spot of its own. In fact, there was enough gold in the 6-7 p.m. hour alone to fill the Royal Canadian Mint. Let’s get to it.

Hockey experts Eric Duhatschek and Al Morganti make their weekly appearance at the top of the hour. I don’t normally trust Wikipedia as a reliable source, but today it provides a tremendous tidbit on Morganti:

Al is also the founder of the annual Wing Bowl, in which thousands of people watch a competition as to who can eat the greatest amount of Buffalo wings within a certain time period.

As for the show, the two guests are in fine form. The league has given NBC the marquee playoff matchup (Pittsburgh/Ottawa) on Saturday afternoon, while sticking CBC with New Jersey/Tampa Bay in prime time. Here goes McCown. “Should NBC be given first choice based on A. The financial implications of the two contracts and B. After all, it’s America, and I’m not sure the ratings would go up one point because they have a better game than if they had a crappy game,” he says.

“Well, absolutely,” jokes Morganti. “Because when you’re paying nothing for something, you should get everything you want.”

McCown chuckles heartily as Morganti continues. “In fact, it’s insanity. I mean, what the hell is goin’ on?” McCown says CBC paid $500 million for their new deal, describing their fate as getting “scrawed”. Somebody get Webster’s on the line.

“It’s insane that NBC would get the choice,” says Morganti, driving the point home as he does so well. “What they need between periods is a picture of the [NBC] peacock chasing Gary Bettman around in booties. It’s nuts.” The thing about Morganti is, he is clearly a comic genius, but his comedic effectiveness is directly related to how angry he gets. He’s the sports world’s version of Jerry Stiller. Well, at least he would be if he didn’t remind me of Willem Dafoe.

Co-host Stephen Brunt gets Duhatschek involved.

“It’s just another example of the fact that this game is driven by this elusive dream of trying to spread the gospel of hockey to a population that is largely indifferent to it,” says Duhatschek. “If you hate the product, it implies that you’re watching it from time to time, but if you’re not even aware of it, that’s the worst possible thing.”

Now it’s two questions later and McCown still hasn’t ribbed Duhatschek. Wait for it. It’s coming. The former is looking at statistics comparing the all-time records for playoff seeding matchups. Duhatschek chastises McCown for “trotting out” the 4 vs. 5 history instead of focusing on the more interesting story of the success by seven seeds against twos. “I just looked at it literally like two minutes ago while you were babbling on and I got bored,” McCown fires back.

To wrap it up, we get the obligatory predictions, as the hosts and guests pick their Stanley Cup winners. Morganti takes Pittsburgh. Duhatschek chooses San Jose. Brunt goes with Buffalo. Bob, the envelope, please…

“It is with great chagrin that I announce that I agree with Duhatschek, which means that I’m probably dead meat.”

But Eric is quick. “I’m changing my pick right now,” he quips.

McCown explains that the Sharks would be the best team in the NHL under his 4-3-2-1 point system. “So you can go ahead and watch the Sopranos for the next eight weeks and not worry about the Cup Final. You’re welcome.”

After the extended break, Kansas City Star sports columnist Jason Whitlock responds to the Don Imus remarks and subsequent fallout. Whitlock has always been well spoken and today is no different. His latest column doesn’t condone Imus’ comments but points the finger at musicians and comedians in America who do much the same thing and receive acclaim for it. He also criticizes Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson for exploiting it for their own benefit. The larger problem, he says, lies in youth culture.

“We have a problem here in American black youth culture. We have this hip-hop culture that has really introduced all of this negative, hostile and demeaning language into our culture,” explains Whitlock. “So we lose the moral high ground to object when people are really just mimicking what they see us do on a daily basis on music and national TV. Until we police our own, we don’t have the credibility to go after an Imus the way we are.”

He’s got a point. “It’s a real simple formula: respect yourself and then other people will respect you.”

“We have to get our house in order,” he says. “We have to develop thicker skin and come to the realization that what white Americans think of us does not determine our future. What we think of ourselves will determine our destiny.” This was one of the best interviews I have seen on Prime Time. Whitlock was on with every point.

Back to hockey. New CBC Sports executive director Scott Moore joins the guys for a brief but telling exchange. He’s asked what went on between himself and NHL commissioner Gary Bettman after the decision was made to give NBC the better game. Scott? “I argued my point, he argued his. Unfortunately, he has the hammer.”

Clearly, Bettman shafted CBC here, but leave it to Bob to put it in perspective. “I pay more than NBC for the rights to NHL hockey,” says McCown. Can they fit a drum set in the studio? Now that would be great television.

The Moore interview concludes. McCown laments Moore’s fate by saying, “Scott Moore, out of the frying pan and into the fire.”

Was this a case of Bettman taking advantage of the new guy? It begs the question. Speaking of begging the question, with Bettman not going anywhere and Bill Daly being groomed as his successor, will we ever see another Canadian commissioner of the National Hockey League?

We’re back from break and it’s the closing segment. The pair get a few comments in as the music fades in and the show begins to wrap. Suddenly, there’s McCown, silent, staring off into space.

“The producer looks like he wants to say something,” says McCown. Then, there’s a shot of producer Ryan Walsh in the booth. He’s talking to Brunt and McCown but we can’t hear what’s going on.

“Whoa,” says Brunt. Something big? Tell us, Bob, if you will.

Breaking news on Prime Time? I can’t remember the last time this happened. McCown tells us the MSNBC simulcast of Don Imus’ WFAN show has just been dropped. This thing is snowballing quickly. Here’s a novel idea. Maybe people should actually listen to Whitlock and figure out what the real problem is. We’ll all be better off in the end.

Great Moments in Televised Radio, Vol. I

Every week, we’ll take a look at the funniest and most poignant moments from Rogers Sportsnet’s simulcast of the FAN 590’s daily dinner time show, Prime Time Sports. When incorrigible host Bob McCown and his co-hosts talk to athletes, coaches, officials and media, you just know it’s going to be memorable. Watching a radio show live on television has never been this fun.

Thursday, March 29: Sports business writer Darren Rovell tells us that Fenway Park, one of the last of the old stadiums, has transformed from a pure, advertisement-free landmark to a haven of corporate sponsorship. “It’s like a minor league stadium,” he says. Or maybe a NASCAR vehicle. A European hockey club’s jersey also comes to mind. Apparently the Red Sox need every penny they can squeeze out of Frank’s Red Hot and Pfizer to keep up with the Yankees. Do what you want to the outfield walls and backstop. Just please, for all that is good in the land of Carlton Fisk and Johnny Pesky, lay off the uniforms.

Moments before going off the air for the day, Bob McCown and his co-host, the Globe and Mail’s Stephen Brunt, look forward to baseball’s Opening Day. As the closing music plays and the credits roll, Brunt encourages kids to “skip school on Monday.” McCown responds by saying, “Hey, I might just skip work…[after a beat]…like that would be an event.” Say what you want about McCown’s style, but he never fails to get the last punch in before the bell.

Friday, March 30: The Friday round table is consistently the most entertaining of the week’s five shows, simply because of the amount of people piled in to the sardine can of a studio. On this occasion, it’s the last show before Opening Day, and we have McCown, Brunt, Elliott Wahle (former Blue Jays director of player personnel) and the always enjoyable former Major Leaguer, Bill “Spaceman” Lee.

McCown gets things rolling by stating that baseball’s first day is unlike any other in sports. He’s right. Spring is here, optimism is high and all teams are equal before the six-month marathon begins. Brunt explains why baseball is so different. “It’s not an assault of entertainment,” he says. “Everything else in the world now is assaulting. Everything comes at you. Baseball, in that sense, is very old fashioned, it’s very different, and it requires you to be a part of it.” Couldn’t agree more. Go on. “It requires an investment in a different way. I feel like a geezer saying it, but that’s what I like about it.”

McCown can’t resist. He has to chime in.

“Does that inhibit the future of the game? We all know the kids today are in a society that induces instant gratification.” No, Bob. Don’t do this. Please. The camera shifts to Lee, sitting there like the one guy in a brawl who waits quietly in the corner doing nothing. You know something is coming. He just needs to be pushed over the edge, and McCown is baiting him nicely. “I have concerns as to whether the pace of the game can be an attraction to young people,” McCown continues. “Can they slow down long enough to experience the enjoyment that we all felt and continue to feel for the game? Bill?”

Rather than give you the entire transcript of Lee’s answer, let’s look at a list of topics covered in his rant, which, for the record, lasted for just over a minute:

1. Speeding up the game.
2. Making it less commercial.
3. “Our diet in our society.”
4. The kids today have ADD.
5. They’re obese.
6. Inner-city kids aren’t playing the game.
7. It’s doing well internationally, but what about here?

This would be great on your car radio on the ride home from work, but because it’s on television, it’s a million times better. We see what looks like the guy who hangs out in Times Square with a “The End is Near” sign. Lee is sporting a camouflage ball cap, a T-shirt that he probably wore under his uniform in the ’70s, and he clearly hasn’t shaved. Yes, he was always known as a hippie (who reportedly sang Warren Zevon songs during games, practiced yoga and admittedly smoked marijuana while in the league). But seeing and hearing him vent like this made me wonder why he doesn’t have his own show. He clearly speaks for a generation, or at least a segment of one.

Wednesday, April 4: Today is just one of those days. Nothing is going right on the show, and McCown won’t let us forget it. The producer has been trying for hours to get legendary basketball executive and potential bidder for the Chicago Cubs, Jerry Colangelo, to address his interest in buying the team. No luck. McCown and co-host Jim Kelley wonder where he is as word comes down that even his secretary can’t reach him. This is live radio, and live television. These things happen. Still, the host/curmudgeon, McCown, has to fill time.

“Nothing like a well produced radio show…[pause]…and this is nothing like a well produced radio show.”