Everywhere Indeed: Live-Blogging CityTV’s Foray into Baseball

Sometimes in life, things just happen for a reason. Sunday afternoon, the unintentional comedy gods were smiling on us, as Toronto’s CityTV took a crack at broadcasting baseball.

On the diamond, you’d expect the Cincinnati Reds and Toronto Blue Jays to provide the typical Grapefruit League fare. But thanks to Gord Martineau and company, there was nothing typical about it.

12:25: The tension is palpable as we await the opening of the broadcast. There hasn’t been this much anticipation for a spring training game since, well, ever. It should be mentioned that because of Ted Rogers’ intriguing choice to put a spring training game on a local non-sports station, Major League Baseball has moved the start time up to 12:35 EDT. That’s right. The powers that be in the league office bowed to Rogers (owner of one of its franchises, overall media magnate and brand-new owner of CityTV). Aren’t we all better off for it? Get the popcorn ready, folks. Here it comes…

12:32: Our first glimpse of spring training, City-style, looks fairly normal. That is, until CityTV personality Jennifer Valentyne trots out to sing the Canadian anthem. The former Toronto Argonauts cheerleader is singing the anthem in slow-motion. Super slow-motion. Looks like she’s teaching the crowd the lyrics.

12:35: The opening throw to the booth couldn’t have gone any smoother, right? The first thing we hear is Kathryn Humphreys unknowingly uttering the following words with her mic on:

“Am I doing this here?” This is going to be a great afternoon.

12:36: Hugh Burrill and Martineau will provide the play-by-play and colour commentary this afternoon. Burrill’s introduction of the lineups isn’t much better than Humphreys’ opening gaffe. As he stumbles over the players’ names, the director throws in a graphic that looks like it was borrowed from the Dupont Network.

12:40: Thank you, Ted Rogers. Martineau throws it down to Barb DiGiulio of the FAN 590. The live hit passes without incident, and her energy and confidence make the City crew look like the chess club.

“We’re at a baseball game? Oh, darn, I forgot my spectacles! Remembered my pocket protector though.”

12:54: It’s clear now that this broadcast is a public relations vehicle the size of a Hummer limo. Jays president Paul Godrey steps into the booth to hawk season tickets in the game’s opening moments, and the commercials are nothing more than ticket-pushing spots from various spots around the Rogers Centre and beyond. In the top of the second inning, a booth conversation with the club’s events co-ordinator (about the post-game barbeque, no less) is interrupted by a triple to the gap in left-centre field by Reds’ farmhand Chris Dickerson. Oh, right, there’s a ballgame going on.

1:09: Finally, some genuine class on the broadcast. The FAN’s Jerry Howarth stops by in the top of the third. It’s great to see and hear Jerry again, as we finally get some real baseball analysis. Howarth breaks down what he expects from the pitching staff and new additions Scott Rolen and David Eckstein. So, to recap, the best elements of the broadcast so far have been Howarth and DiGiulio, both FAN personalities. Coincidence? Hardly. Let’s turn this into a real baseball broadcast, shall we? Where’s Mike Wilner?

1:21: Speaking of real baseball talk, Burrill has settled in nicely despite his lack of play-by-play experience. Martineau, on the other hand, is a complete mess. On Reds’ manager Dusty Baker:

“I remember Dusty when he was with the Los Angeles Dodgers and Tommy Lasorda was managing.”

Gord, that was 1976.

So far, we’ve seen Duane Ward and Lloyd Moseby selling tickets in the commercials. Why not have a former Jay in the booth doing the colour commentary? I guess that would just make too much sense.

1:27: Humphreys gets another shot at redemption as they throw it to her again. She’s with reliever Jeremy Accardo, outside what looks like the ballpark’s men’s room. Kathryn, please, just let the man go. We don’t need a bladder injury before Opening Day.

1:31: The third inning ends quietly. Oh, in case you’re wondering, it’s 2-0 Reds thanks to a two-run double by Cincinnati’s Jay Bruce back in the second inning. The Jays have just one hit on the afternoon (a single by Aaron Hill in the bottom of the third). Starter A.J. Burnett allowed the game’s two runs along with three Cincinnati hits in his two frames of work. You wouldn’t know it, but we’ve seen two pitching changes since his exit.

1:41: After a Scott Rolen single advances Reed Johnson to third and ignites the first real Toronto rally, it occurs to me. There have been exactly zero replays today. Is it really that hard to rewind the tape and cue it up? Oh, sorry, I forgot. The game is secondary.

1:42: Matt Stairs drives in Johnson with a single. How ‘bout that? 2-1 Reds. Still no replay.

1:46: The convergence is in full force, as Martine Gaillard gives us a Connected update. So we’ve now seen Sportsnet and FAN personalities appear on CityTV. Thank you, Ted Rogers.

1:56: You know it’s a bland broadcast when the day’s most entertaining moment so far is DiGiulio’s exclusive interview with Chad the Beer Man. I kid you not. This really happened. After Burrill provides some background on Reds’ reliever Mike Stanton and his inclusion in the Mitchell Report, Martineau admits, “You can see my depth of knowledge is an inch deep and a mile wide here.” It’s like watching a train wreck. I can’t turn this off.

1:59: Buck Coats picks up the pace with a two-run home run to right-centre field, during which he circles the bases at full speed with his head down. That’s right, it’s the same Buck Coats the Jays picked up from Cincinnati last August and the very same Buck Coats who’s now the subject of countless softcore porn jokes. According to his Wikipedia page, “he is known for [uttering] his catch phrase, ‘Yeah, baby’ in his southern drawl’.” I’m telling you, this thing writes itself.

2:19: Martineau actually asks Burrill, “Who’s at the plate?” on air in the bottom of the sixth. You can’t make this stuff up. Seconds later, Matt Stairs does it again, smashing a solo homer to right. The blast makes it 4-3 Toronto.

2:28: Kathryn Humphreys, please, enlighten us with some in-depth baseball analysis:

“Alex Rios, or ‘Eye Candy’ as I call him, is not in the lineup today. He is one good-looking fella.”

Ahem.

After a few more declarations of her lust for the outfielder, she interviews him. And by ‘interviews’, I mean ‘blatantly hits on him for five minutes straight’. The hard-hitting questions she throws his way include such gems as:

“Who’s better-looking…you or A-Rod?” When he says he’d give the honour to Rodriguez, she blurts out, “I wouldn’t.”

The best, though, had to be this one:

“If you were a pork chop, what sauce would you smother yourself with?”

Tonight on CityTV Late Night, Kathryn Humphreys stars in “Bats, Balls and the Reporters Who Love Them”. Buck Coats guest stars.

2:45: I’ll admit, I needed about 20 minutes to recover from that. Also of note, we finally have a replay! Good thing it only took eight innings to warm up the VTR deck. In case you’re interested, it’s 6-3 Toronto in the top of the eighth.

2:47: Toronto second baseman Joe Inglett gets an inning-ending force-out and starts his trot into the dugout. Just one problem. There are only two outs. That’s how you impress a manager in spring training, Joe. 6-4 Toronto.

3:01: Back from break, I’ve got good news and bad news. Want the good news first? Inglett just cranked a home run out of Knology Park and it’s now 8-4 in the bottom of the eighth. The bad news? CityTV missed it completely, running a break just a little too long. Would have been a nice moment, too. You know, a little redemption for Inglett after his blunder in the top half.

3:09: If there was even an inkling of hope that the game itself actually mattered to the City crew, that inkling was promptly squashed coming back from a taped Kathryn Humphreys piece.

Humphreys: “What’s going on now, Gord?”

[Awkward period of about five seconds while Humphreys stares at the camera waiting for the truck to cue Martineau.]

Martineau: “Check 1, 2…Yes, we’re back here at Knology Park and the game is over. How about this, Hugh? You blink and the game’s over, huh?”

Wait a second. The game is over? The game is over. This is what happens when you run taped pieces during game action. Have I mentioned I want to thank Ted Rogers?

3:17: Usually after live-blogging, I need a drink and a cold shower. Today would be no different if the broadcast ended here. But no, CityTV is staying in Dunedin. Ladies and gentlemen, the moment you’ve all been waiting for…the post-game barbeque for season-ticket holders!

Don’t worry, I’ll spare you the details. Besides, Lloyd Moseby’s going to hang up on me if I don’t order season tickets in the next five minutes. Welcome back, baseball. Nice to see you again.

Joey Graham Knows His Civies

“Now, Chris, is this the first time you’ve ever been blindfolded?”

Ahem.

“Well, there was that time in Vegas last year at All-Star Weekend…oh, and in Rome, we…umm…yeah. Then, there was that time during my recruiting trip to Georgia Tech…let’s just say there’s a reason I chose to go there.”

And another thing. There’s a piece of hidden genius here. Graham is forced to draw…a white t-shirt. Which, if you think about it, is probably how he’ll be remembered.

“I like the way he even drew the back of the t-shirt there,” quips VJ Matte Babel. Well, that’s not too surprising, Matte, considering he’s so familiar with wearing civilian clothing. During NBA games.

Next time on “Raptors Play Pictionary”, head coach Sam Mitchell draws up a play with the game on the line, and the team has twenty seconds to figure out what it is. Oh wait, that’s just the final timeout from tonight’s game against the Hawks.

Great Moments in Televised Radio, Vol. III

Every week, we’ll take a look at the funniest and most poignant moments from Rogers Sportsnet’s simulcast of the FAN 590’s daily dinner time show, Prime Time Sports. When entertaining host Bob McCown and his esteemed co-hosts talk to athletes, coaches, officials and media, you just know it’s going to be memorable. Watching a radio show live on television has never been this fun.

It’s been a while since the last edition of GMTR and there are plenty of gems to get to. Since we don’t have a lot of time or space, let’s get right to it.

A couple weeks ago, word came down that McCown and his producers had found this very space and were routinely checking in. Naturally, I took this as a compliment, and when the host himself took a jab at the blogosphere (and perhaps yours truly), it was only icing on the cake.

Monday, April 16: “There’s nothing stupider than people who blog on the internet,” declared McCown. “I don’t think you want to meet the people who respond to your blogs,” he added. “They haven’t seen the sun in years.”

Now I certainly don’t know McCown personally, but while many might be insulted by these kinds of remarks, I knew they were simply his way of reaching out. Look at the slings and arrows hurled by the host at recurrent guests such as Nick Kypreos (“I’ve got 150,000 turning off right now.”), David Shoalts, Bob Elliott and Al Morganti (we’ll get to that in a second). This writer couldn’t help but feel honoured to join the exclusive company of people chastised by the Bobcat. It’s good to be here.

Wednesday, April 18: After dealing with the issue of head injuries in the NFL and controversial doctor Elliot Pellman, co-host Jim Kelley gives us a parting shot, turning to concussions in the NHL. “Where are the player agents? Where is the PA on this issue? It’s a health and safety issue, not just the league. It has got to come from the outside in. It’s not happening in hockey and at least it appears to be happening now in football.” Bob? “Well, it took the better part of three hours, but you finally said something I agree with.”

Thursday, April 19: Bears linebacker Brian Urlacher has been handed a $100,000 fine for wearing the hat of a non-NFL sponsored sports drink company and drinking the product on Media Day at the most recent Super Bowl. After a lengthy discussion with Sports Illustrated football writer Don Banks, ESPN play-by-play announcer and former FAN 590 employee Dan Shulman drops by and throws McCown a beach ball. “You guys better be careful what you wear now that you’re simulcast,” he jokes. “Don’t wear any competing sponsors on your hats there, Bob.”

Mr. McCown? “Ah, screw it. I’ll wear whatever the hell I want.” Vintage Bobcat.

Friday, April 20: It’s round table time on a spectacularly sunny day in Toronto. This can only mean one thing. The host of the highest-rated sports radio show in the country is taking a day off. There is a silver lining, though, as Mike Toth is called in to pinch hit. Toth has long been my favourite Canadian sports broadcaster because of his refreshing sense of humour and encyclopedic knowledge of sports history. James Deacon, Michael Grange and Jim Kelley are seated around the table.

In the wake of the Sean Hill suspension, Deacon reveals that while working on a story about fighting in hockey several years ago, an NHL enforcer told him he believed that “just about every tough guy that he knew was taking some kind of performance-enhancing drug including steroids.” Unfortunately, as Deacon says, there’s no way to confirm it. It makes you wonder though.

Toth: “I’m not even going to talk about the Vancouver series with Dallas because I don’t want to fall asleep, so forget about it.”

More Toth: “Ottawa did really well against the Pittsburgh Penguins, but, uh, Toronto would have beat Ottawa.”

Deacon: “Aren’t you from out west?”

Toth: “I just had to get that in.”

Wednesday, April 25: More hockey, with regular guest/expert/comedian Al Morganti (for more on the Morganti/McCown comedy team, see the previous edition of this column). Former executive Neil Smith subs for Eric Duhatschek and does a nice job. The panel finishes up the segment by again looking at predictions. “I had the Penguins winning the cup,” admits Morganti. “Yeah, how’s that going?” asks co-host Stephen Brunt. “We might as well get your next choice, so that we know who’s going to get knocked out this round.”

Morganti: “I had Vancouver in the finals, so I’m still alive.”

Brunt: (Sarcastically) “Oh yeah, they’re a lock.”

McCown: “Apparently they don’t have drug testing at your radio station, huh? You were on hallucinogens at that point.”

About five minutes of hockey chatter follows. Then, Morganti laments his choices once more. “I have to pick against the team I picked the win the Cup to go on to the next round,” he says with a laugh. McCown can’t hold back. “That’s weak, man,” he says. The panel chuckles away. “They don’t keep plus-minus on the media,” Morganti quips.

Great Moments in Televised Radio, Vol. II

Every week, we’ll take a look at the funniest and most poignant moments from Rogers Sportsnet’s simulcast of the FAN 590’s daily dinner time show, Prime Time Sports. When incorrigible host Bob McCown and his co-hosts talk to athletes, coaches, officials and media, you just know it’s going to be memorable. Watching a radio show live on television has never been this fun.

When the idea for this piece was first hatched, the plan was to cover a week’s worth of gems in each post. Well, so much for that. After the strength of yesterday’s show (and because a week had elapsed since the first post) , the April 11 program clearly deserved a spot of its own. In fact, there was enough gold in the 6-7 p.m. hour alone to fill the Royal Canadian Mint. Let’s get to it.

Hockey experts Eric Duhatschek and Al Morganti make their weekly appearance at the top of the hour. I don’t normally trust Wikipedia as a reliable source, but today it provides a tremendous tidbit on Morganti:

Al is also the founder of the annual Wing Bowl, in which thousands of people watch a competition as to who can eat the greatest amount of Buffalo wings within a certain time period.

As for the show, the two guests are in fine form. The league has given NBC the marquee playoff matchup (Pittsburgh/Ottawa) on Saturday afternoon, while sticking CBC with New Jersey/Tampa Bay in prime time. Here goes McCown. “Should NBC be given first choice based on A. The financial implications of the two contracts and B. After all, it’s America, and I’m not sure the ratings would go up one point because they have a better game than if they had a crappy game,” he says.

“Well, absolutely,” jokes Morganti. “Because when you’re paying nothing for something, you should get everything you want.”

McCown chuckles heartily as Morganti continues. “In fact, it’s insanity. I mean, what the hell is goin’ on?” McCown says CBC paid $500 million for their new deal, describing their fate as getting “scrawed”. Somebody get Webster’s on the line.

“It’s insane that NBC would get the choice,” says Morganti, driving the point home as he does so well. “What they need between periods is a picture of the [NBC] peacock chasing Gary Bettman around in booties. It’s nuts.” The thing about Morganti is, he is clearly a comic genius, but his comedic effectiveness is directly related to how angry he gets. He’s the sports world’s version of Jerry Stiller. Well, at least he would be if he didn’t remind me of Willem Dafoe.

Co-host Stephen Brunt gets Duhatschek involved.

“It’s just another example of the fact that this game is driven by this elusive dream of trying to spread the gospel of hockey to a population that is largely indifferent to it,” says Duhatschek. “If you hate the product, it implies that you’re watching it from time to time, but if you’re not even aware of it, that’s the worst possible thing.”

Now it’s two questions later and McCown still hasn’t ribbed Duhatschek. Wait for it. It’s coming. The former is looking at statistics comparing the all-time records for playoff seeding matchups. Duhatschek chastises McCown for “trotting out” the 4 vs. 5 history instead of focusing on the more interesting story of the success by seven seeds against twos. “I just looked at it literally like two minutes ago while you were babbling on and I got bored,” McCown fires back.

To wrap it up, we get the obligatory predictions, as the hosts and guests pick their Stanley Cup winners. Morganti takes Pittsburgh. Duhatschek chooses San Jose. Brunt goes with Buffalo. Bob, the envelope, please…

“It is with great chagrin that I announce that I agree with Duhatschek, which means that I’m probably dead meat.”

But Eric is quick. “I’m changing my pick right now,” he quips.

McCown explains that the Sharks would be the best team in the NHL under his 4-3-2-1 point system. “So you can go ahead and watch the Sopranos for the next eight weeks and not worry about the Cup Final. You’re welcome.”

After the extended break, Kansas City Star sports columnist Jason Whitlock responds to the Don Imus remarks and subsequent fallout. Whitlock has always been well spoken and today is no different. His latest column doesn’t condone Imus’ comments but points the finger at musicians and comedians in America who do much the same thing and receive acclaim for it. He also criticizes Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson for exploiting it for their own benefit. The larger problem, he says, lies in youth culture.

“We have a problem here in American black youth culture. We have this hip-hop culture that has really introduced all of this negative, hostile and demeaning language into our culture,” explains Whitlock. “So we lose the moral high ground to object when people are really just mimicking what they see us do on a daily basis on music and national TV. Until we police our own, we don’t have the credibility to go after an Imus the way we are.”

He’s got a point. “It’s a real simple formula: respect yourself and then other people will respect you.”

“We have to get our house in order,” he says. “We have to develop thicker skin and come to the realization that what white Americans think of us does not determine our future. What we think of ourselves will determine our destiny.” This was one of the best interviews I have seen on Prime Time. Whitlock was on with every point.

Back to hockey. New CBC Sports executive director Scott Moore joins the guys for a brief but telling exchange. He’s asked what went on between himself and NHL commissioner Gary Bettman after the decision was made to give NBC the better game. Scott? “I argued my point, he argued his. Unfortunately, he has the hammer.”

Clearly, Bettman shafted CBC here, but leave it to Bob to put it in perspective. “I pay more than NBC for the rights to NHL hockey,” says McCown. Can they fit a drum set in the studio? Now that would be great television.

The Moore interview concludes. McCown laments Moore’s fate by saying, “Scott Moore, out of the frying pan and into the fire.”

Was this a case of Bettman taking advantage of the new guy? It begs the question. Speaking of begging the question, with Bettman not going anywhere and Bill Daly being groomed as his successor, will we ever see another Canadian commissioner of the National Hockey League?

We’re back from break and it’s the closing segment. The pair get a few comments in as the music fades in and the show begins to wrap. Suddenly, there’s McCown, silent, staring off into space.

“The producer looks like he wants to say something,” says McCown. Then, there’s a shot of producer Ryan Walsh in the booth. He’s talking to Brunt and McCown but we can’t hear what’s going on.

“Whoa,” says Brunt. Something big? Tell us, Bob, if you will.

Breaking news on Prime Time? I can’t remember the last time this happened. McCown tells us the MSNBC simulcast of Don Imus’ WFAN show has just been dropped. This thing is snowballing quickly. Here’s a novel idea. Maybe people should actually listen to Whitlock and figure out what the real problem is. We’ll all be better off in the end.

Growing the Garbo, Day 12

After Toronto Raptors forward Jorge Garbajosa was ruled out for the season due to a horrific injury suffered in the March 26 game in Boston, I decided to honour him by growing my own version of his trademark beard.

We’re now at Day 12 of ‘The Garbo’ and several things are clear:

1. No one from the team has officially come out and said it, but the remainder of the season has been dedicated to Garbajosa. Toronto is 5-1 since he went down and it is clear that they are playing with a little extra motivation. Call it destiny, fate and perhaps even a little bit of luck, but the fire under the Raptors has been lit.

2. After Chicago’s victory over New Jersey last night secured the Raptors’ first division title in franchise history, the real battle will now be for home court advantage in the playoffs. Toronto needs to hang on to the 3rd seed to land home court and has to face Detroit twice before season’s end.

3. The Washington Wizards are all but finished, but Toronto is quietly hoping they still somehow manage to hang on to the 6th spot in the East. Washington is four games ahead of the Nets and despite losing Gilbert Arenas and Caron Butler, there is a realistic chance that they could qualify for the playoffs and hang on to their current position. New Jersey would have to win nearly every remaining game and hope Washington were to lose nearly every contest left on the schedule for the Nets to leapfrog the Wizards. So what does it all mean? Toronto will be rooting for the Wizards and against the Nets for the rest of the season.

4. After dealing with this beard for nearly a couple of weeks now, I must say one thing. Garbajosa has to be commended for putting up with his face fungus all year round. I’m surprised you never see shots of him itching it on the court, or trimming it during timeouts.

So now that Toronto has clinched a playoff berth and won the Atlantic Division, it’s time to dust off the razor and return to the real world. That’s right, folks. It’s been a good ride, but there will be no more confused looks and comments from friends and colleagues. The team will continue to play for the injured Garbajosa and I should hope that my tribute has kept the gritty veteran in the hearts and minds of basketball fans and facial hair enthusiasts alike.

Growing the Garbo, Day 4

On Monday, Spanish league veteran/NBA rookie Jorge Garbajosa went down with this gruesome injury.

It was a devastating moment for a Raptors club looking for momentum heading into the playoffs. The team’s quiet leader will miss the remainder of season, so after seeing it, I decided to pay tribute to him the only way I knew how. That night, I put away the razor and pledged to grow my own Garbo-esque beard. Consider it a hairier Mount Rushmore, if you will. But I figured it was the best way to remember the fallen 29-year-old Spaniard, whose scrappy defense, outside shooting and overall basketball IQ helped catapult Toronto into the Eastern Conference’s elite.

This is the time of year when hockey players begin thinking about playoff beards, so it’s only right to honour a vital piece of the Raptors’ puzzle while keeping this tradition alive in the process. Check in over the next few days for an update on how ‘The Garbo’ is growing.